Category: Family

Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Connecting More

Sanjay Sabarwal

This past weekend was not usual for many reasons everyone is aware of, but more than that it became about when people around me make a concerted effort to be around loved ones. It hit me that I am truly blessed with multiple people who consistently make efforts to spend connected and quality time with me and others. I take it for granted most times, but on holidays where we give kudos to those who sacrificed so much for us to have this, I had to take it in. Be grateful. Breathe it in, and appreciate my luck. Be present and acknowledge others who sacrificed the ultimate for an ideal.

I may not agree with so many on many issues, but that does not mean I do not get celebrate and appreciate then ones who allow us to have differing opinions. It took me a while to truly not see memorial day just the start of summer, or deals or a great parties, but a day of remembrance for those who selflessly do what I take for granted.  I couldn’t help being around others who also do so much for me and it hit me that these weekends not only mean holidays, but time to celebrate our blessings.

EAch of these holidays is a sort of thanksgiving, and in this time, all of these days now take on special meaning. Instead of complaining being stuck with the same people, I am grateful that I have large families in my life who have made this unusual time more than bearable. I now look forward to days to see what other creative and wonderful ways we will do things together. What we will share, discover, and most importantly, do together.

Happy Tuesday!

Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal, Myself

Conspiracy Theories and UFOs

Sanjay Sabarwal

I have alway been intrigued with people who believe in the alternative. In a way, I always felt like I was in a bubble and didn’t get a chance to experience the unknowable. The last few weeks have been harder than normal as it feels like a firehose of opinions about Covi-19, its origins, and what to do about it. I have been able to not watch too much TV, but haven’t stopped social media, and I realize that when I allow information in, it becomes overwhelming.

It got me thinking that while the ideas of UFOs and conspiracy theories satisfy some part of me, on the whole, they leave me wanting. They don’t fit into my life. That’s not to say I don’t think others aren’t entitled to what they believe. So long as their beliefs don’t require me to do anything, then I get to leave them be. It’s hard not to argue with some anyway, and I realize now that is my own ego.

I am not qualified in any way to qualify or disqualify someone’s belief. Ultimately, I rest in my heart of my own surety. That’s all I can do. The topics intrigue me, but the answers don’t because in my gut I believe they are unknowable. And honestly, I don’t want to do the work to persuade or dissuade someone. It’s become clear to me that the only way I can resolve this is to cut down or eliminate my consumption of social media. There are days it’s easier (when people are mean), and others when I feel like I need to know (when someone posts something thought provoking). The key is to find a balance. I don’t always succeed which is why I am glad it’s called a practice. I just have to keep at reducing the noise.

Happy Monday.

Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Mom

Sanjay Sabarwal

It’s hard for me to write about my mom. My words are just a bunch of letters in regards to her. It’s all I have and it feels futile because she knows. We have what they call an asymmetric relationship.  She has given way more things, experiences, unconditional love, food, comfort than I can ever possibly return. Yet I also know she wouldn’t expect anything, and to her, her natural state is to give. I don’t think I remember a time when she didn’t comfort me or offer something to make my life better.

It makes for a hard post when it hits me what unconditional looks like in real life. I can’t help being happy or proud when I do or get her something, but she’s been giving for 48 years and counting, and never pointed it out. I hope I have the courage and love to take care of her when she is no longer able to. Yet that idea hurts to even think about. It’s what make this post so hard to write. To acknowledge a future  I don’t want or wish to think about. Easier to just see her as she is now and has always been. Available, loving, comforting, giving, and teaching. And you know, that’s always how I will remember her.

Happy belated Mothers Day mom (well not really, but the post is) I love you.

Happy Monday!

Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Others

Sanjay Sabarwal

For me, the weekdays fly by, and the struggles become the weekend when it becomes starkly apparent that around others I am exposed to others, their beliefs, opinions, struggles, complaints, but most of all, their fear. It’s easy to control my own anxiety and the continual what if’s that I have gotten down to once in a while, but when around others, the uncertainty grows exponentially. I want to argue, or tell them about my routines, but I know that they are in their shit, and experience, and me telling them to live it a certain way doesn’t do them or me any favors.

I can’t control what is happening around me. As much as I know that, I still cannot help trying to do it anyway. I know the result which is unexpressed frustration, and a growing desire to keep myself busy.  Yet, I also know avoiding is just another form of weakness of my principles. If I am to grow, I have to face things and people and ideas which make me uncomfortable. Always wanting a cushioned existence is asking for unsatiated aggravation at life.

Others represent that no matter what or how I wish things to be, it does not mean that their experiences are not valid. It’s just not mine. A hard lesson to accept sometimes. Mostly, when it is negative and complaining about things rather than practicing gratitude for what they have. But I also get it. It’s hard to feel grateful when you feel trapped, bored, listless, uninspired, unsure, but most of all, unclear of when this will all end. That’s a scary place to be. Asking others to feel or be like me is not only foolish but unfair.

And so I begin this week, yet again, with compassion, patience, and an open mind. I may not succeed, but I don’t plan on stop trying.

Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration

Back to Basics

Sanjay Sabarwal

The morning quiet. My old friend. I’d almost forgotten the joy I get in those early hours when the sun debates on getting into the sky or remain hidden behind gray clouds. I didn’t remember how the shafts of light penetrate my living room, bathing it in golden hues that brighten up my insides. I open my journal, and do my Morning Pages, meditate, then off to some reading for pleasure, then reading for learning, then writing my learnings, and then finally when the dog begins to bark do I take her for a walk.

What’s changed in all this time is that my morning routine has gotten longer and more satisfying. I could have spent the time looking at social media, but i realize now that barrage of content not only doesn’t inform me, it adds to anxiety and constant worrying and looking at people as carriers of disease rather than possibility. I get the reason for distancing, but not of hardening my heart. I get to stop feeding the feelings that don’t serve me.

Instead, now I read while listening to classical music. I put on a soothing playlist as I clean my place, or cook,. I zoom with family and friends. I practice my craft (being a lawyer).  I go back to the basics for my vision. Because anything else is just fear,and it doesn’t serve me. When I practice being a better me, I can be in service to others, I can be present. I can be compassionate. I get to be open. Every. Single. Day. The rest will take care of itself when I do the basics.

Happy Monday!

Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

In Flux

Sanjay Sabarwal

It’s a surreal time. That’s the closest I can get to the feelings I am having. In just a matter of days, what seemed like a year to become uncomfortable living my vision has become a difficult year with things I had no considered. From finances to practicing being around people less, it hits me how much of my life I took for granted. And even thought temporary, it’s still is a great reminder of how much I need to make my life simpler so the next time something like this happens (and it will happen), it won’t feel like a major change.

I admit that I am unsettled, and more than a little nervous, but I also have faith that what I have practicing for the past years will now come in handy.  To me, so much extra time means that I get to do things I been wanting to do for a while, but just haven’t had the time. I see opportunity to stretch, to be in service, to get creative so I don’t go stir crazy. But more than anything else, as I am in flux, I get to stay calm and keep others in the same way.

I may not succeed some times, but I also know that I get to bounce back. I get to not let fear, uncertainty rule my world. Just like the marathon, I get to do this step by step.