Brownness

Costa Rica

It seems surreal to think that just 48 hours ago, I was near perfect weather, sandy beaches and with some great friends, celebrating the start of the my 50th Birthday. We did the usual: Ziplining, drinking, private chef, amazing house, making fun of each other, all organized by a dear friend who spent multiple hours getting it set even after our original group of 8 people went down to 4. To the point where we considered cancelling then said oh what the hell lets do it anyway, and I have no regrets. Well almost no regrets. Although I deeply wished the entire group had gone,. I also wished I had left my ego at home.

On the last day, we decided to go ATV riding and even though I had never gone, never driven a motorcycle, had no idea of the dangers when inexperienced, I decided to go. Thankfully, my friend rode behind me who got increasingly concerned as the ride up the mountain continued. He coached me to slow down, and instead of me admitting that I wasn’t cut out for this I nodded and then kept going and after a few minutes managed to hit an embankment that flipped the ATV over onto me, dislocating my shoulder.

The agony of being driven down the mountain felt like hours when it was probably closer to 30 minutes and then heading to a clinic to get it popped it back in was intensely even more painful and something I would not recommend. Even in that moment, I knew that I was out from Crossfit and physical exercise for a while, and it hit me that my choices brought me here. I had no one to blame.

And so I hobble around with some great memories and not so great ones, but I also know that this is the beginning of a helluva year, and I’ll be damned if I am gonna let a minor silly thing like this derail me as a person. I got a trip I never forget, and I also get the chance to focus on recovery and healing and get back to where I was. This was a minor slip not a great fall. It all comes down to my attitude and actions.

Looking forward to what else 2022 has to bring!

Brownness

An Inability to See the Other Side

The other day, someone asked me if I was a Anti-vaxxer because of a video I forwarded to them. I was flabbergasted. Aside from being full vaccinated, it felt that no longer can there be any questioning to the current narrative. It made me want to explain that I work out 5 days a week, reduced alcohol consumptions, increased supplementation, focused on being outdoors, but it felt once the word grenade was launched, there was nothing I could say to change their position. Even wondering how this all started is no longer something to be considered. But I am tired of the fear,tired of seeing so many struggle to cope, to not be with others, or see new places or scenarios. Tired of listening to others judgments for why people aren’t vaccinated or questioning the mandates. The increasing amounts of boosters, and one can no longer wonder, is there something more I can do than just take shots or is that the end game?

At what point do we learn to make it work in our daily lives, or to have a discussion that makes us curious about the side? When did it become okay to silence the questions or those who do not believe the narrative that this is the only way? I am VERY aware of what camp this puts me in even though I am complying. My frustration comes from something person as a recent friends trip got caused half the group to drop off out of concerns. I don’t blame them, but it drives home the question can we do anything different or just hide, be inside, avoid others even when the symptoms appear to be mild.

When do we become open to having conversations rather than debates or allowing each other the kindness to think and feel differently? To give the courtesy of listening and being heard. I don’t pretend to be a scientist, but I also no longer get information from one source, person or narrative. It’s okay to question. I am not advocating denial or conspiracy, but a healthy skepticism. To come to terms with your own decisions based on your own thinking not what others want you to.

Brownness

2022

I love the smell of the new year, new possibilities, new experiences, new learnings, lots of ways to either grow or remain in the status quo. More and more I realize that much of my life is under my control in the way that I respond it. Sure, unexpected events such as loss of life, friends, family, work crisis’s, failing at work outs are going to happen as they did last year, the real difference will be how I respond to it, how I either let the situation control me or I control my actions and emotions.

The thing with change is that one never knows what is going to happen, I mean, if we did, it wouldn’t be much of a change unless we just freeze and fail to act. So back to the new smell of a new year. One with a milestone for me that makes me a tad nervous as I hit the big 5-0, but then again I felt similar when I was 40, 30, and even 21. Each time I felt like I am reached a level no one could relate to when really we all feel old at some point.

The real question for me is what am I going to do about it. Well. I am gonna do things that scare the shit out of me, I am gonna try new places, new experiences with my wife and loved ones. I am gonna keep running until my knees can’t and then I will run some more because dammit I can rest when I am dead. You are only as old as you feel, and the strange part is that I feel younger than before.

And so I am rushing into this year. Give me what you got 2022, I am ready for you!

Brownness

Holidays and Judgment

As the last week of 2021 begins, I cannot help but feel full of blessings and gratitude and eagerness to see what 2022 has to offer. There have been scares such as Covid, but I no longer allow it to control the narrative of my life. I tune out as much as possible, and focus on the things that I can control, from my health to connection with others. I can only work on my thoughts and actions.

And this morning, I realized I carry a lot of judgment about others still which do not serve me or them. It will be a long road, but I know I need to commit to letting go of this bad habit. It’s draining, its petty, and it makes me less of a person. Now I cannot guarantee I will succeed, but the first step is seeing it in myself. It takes away from the holiday spirit, and adds a sourness to my life when there has so much sweetness.

It is a good thing to take into the new year, new goals, new ways of being,new things to do that make me uncomfortable. Even as in I close in on 50, I see now that I have a ways to go to be and do better. It gives me comfort that I am still able to be critical of myself without going into despair. It just means I have more tools to use, and more work to do.

The first step is in seeing it, and then the next is to seek support from others in making it happen. It means having difficult conversations after I get clarity on what it is that I am judging. It makes me squirm to see my own pettiness, but it also means I get to exercise empathy and compassion.

Brownness

Barrelling Towards 2022

It amazes me that the 2021 ends in 10 days. It feels like a whirlwind or maybe I just say as I get closer to major milestones in my life (50 here I come), or it could be that I set on a new path without the family business as a safety net, I learned, grew, made mistakes, grew some more, and learned many ways not to do something, and then next thing I know 2021 is almost over.

And yet even with all this change, I look forward to what there is to come. I don’t want the same year again, but neither do I want a tumultuous year. I do know that things take time especially when planting seeds in new areas. I also have no idea what will come out of my efforts, but the main thing I am sure of is that my support system stays strong, my loved ones blanket me with their well wishes, and advice, my wife holds my hand even I am unsure of the next step, my mom and sisters are there to give advice (and plenty of it), my friends are here to listen to me, or talk to me, or teach me.

And so as I barrel towards 2022, I don’t feel out of control. Instead, I feel I am picking up speed as the way becomes more familiar. I look forward to the ride!

Brownness

Holiday Parties

My heart is full. So much so that I cannot see the world as anything but one of giving, love, and appreciation. This past thursday, I held my very first holiday party for Sabarwal Law, and I was simply amazed as the diversity of people who came. From old clients, colleagues, dear friends, family and vendors, I was blown away at how many made the effort. But what made it the best event was the amount of time my wife and sister spent to make my simple idea into an grand event. I am in awe of how much support I have from my wife and loved ones. I truly felt blessed.

That was just the beginning to the weekend as we went out to other events, connected with crossfit friends, family friends, dear friends, old friends, and as tired as we were Sunday event, we still managed to spend intimate time with loved ones, and wake up on Monday with a fullness of life and looking forward to what it has to offer. It is these times that matter that carry me through the difficult ones, the times when I think I am alone when really my people are just steps away from me. I just have to remove my blinders and see that so many care for like like I do for them.

This past weekend proved that beyond a shadow of a doubt. I can’t wait to see what’s next!

Happy Monday!