Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Breathing in Gratitude

2018 has already shown itself to be a formidable. More than a few around me are dealing with health issues, and is a constant reminder to love the moments I have with loved ones.  It is never easy to accept that the easiest way to make God laugh is to make plans for life. So I continue to breathe in gratitude and remind myself that so much of life is transitory and only what I decide to hold on will remain. That means spending quality time with loved ones and others that bring you joy. Remembering that work is a means to an end not the entire thing. That each moment I spend in judgement rather than gratitude means less love.

As I near the end of my trip in India. I am struck with how much perspective distance can provide. I began 2018 with lots of resolutions, but forgot that while that’s great, it is important to also have the  why. As my loved ones deal with difficult times, it is a reminder to not lose sight of the truly important in life. So I begin today by breathing in gratitude, and being present in the moment.

Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Leaving 2017 for 2018

As I sit here in India in the morning quiet, I think about what it is that I wish from 2018.  A lot of the resolutions I began and continued. I am proud of all that I accomplished, yet there is a deep hunger inside me that tells me there is so much more I can do. I want to continue being uncomfortable, continue doing things I never did before, continue my vision to be a published author, a successful law firm, and finally get to the bane of my fitness existence; the pull up.

I love the new year because it is a reminder that as with all ends, there is always a beginning, a change to do over or commit to new chapters in my life. There is so much to do, but it is not just for the sake of doing but to leave a legacy, to leave the place better than I found it.

As I left 2017, surrounded by some family, my thoughts went to my dad and aunt, and excitement at seeing my family in India very soon. It is fitting that I am in a country that gives me so much joy, feels familiar and unfamiliar at the same time, and reminds me of my history. I am reminded of my blessings, and I am full of gratitude for all that I have in my life. I leave 2017 sadder but stronger, and I begin 2018 with hope and gratitude.

Happy Monday and 2018 all!

Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Stretching My Mind With Gratitude

This weekend, I got a chance to go to two holiday parties, a brunch with my old leadership group and then ended the night with family time with my cousins. It was a great reminder that when I open myself up to new experiences, new relationships form, and older ones get stronger. I joined BNI out of a fear of public speaking and networking and my crossfit gym because of my fear of free weights. Thanks to the Legacy Program of MITT, I got a chance to reunited with my old friends, and it energized me to do more for 2018!

The previous week I attended my writer’s critique group holiday party where it re-energized my commitment to continue writing and begin submitting my work to contests. I realize now that it takes work to be part of so many things, but they all serve me in so many ways. I got a chance to volunteer much more than previous years, and I am grateful that I have adopted the attitude of getting comfortable being uncomfortable.

I want to live a life of transformation and giving back. I want intimate time with loved ones, but most of all I want to live a life of my creation that is not filled with regret, doubt and resentment.  Yes, there are rough days. Days when I don’t feel like getting out of bed, or even facing my fears. But it is on those days when I get up that I am better for it. Failure is an option, but it doesn’t have to be the default choice.

Happy Monday!

Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Last Month of 2017

It’s so strange to think that in a few short weeks, 2017 will be in the history books.  I spent some time thinking of what worked and what didn’t, and how some things happened that I never could have imagined. In some ways, it will be impossible to not think of 2017 as we lost my aunt who spread so much joy and sunshine when she came in. It is easy to wallow in grief, yet neither my father and her would stand for it.

I looked at my declarations, and I have to say I got better in some ways, but not so much in others. Which just tells me that I get to work not harder but smarter. Too often, it’s easy to give reasons why something didn’t happen, but more often than not, it came down to choices. I chose fear and avoidance when being present and calm would have served me better. I chose procrastination when action was the way to go. I chose avoidance and denial when confrontation and discussion would have moved things along. Yet while the negative stays close at hand, I am much happier in my positive efforts.

I gave of myself till it hurt. I stretched myself in ways I never imagine. I did uncomfortable things to move my vision along. I acknowledged when I did not follow through. I got better at some things, and not at others. And you know what, it’s okay. It’s okay. It gives me reason to look forward to ending 2017 on a strong note and beginning 2018 with purpose and passion!

Happy Monday.

 

Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Alone and Ornery

The past few weeks have not been easy, but worst of all, they have made me feel the most alone in a long time. It’s hard to explain how much fortitude it takes not to snap or be judgemental, yet I still manage to do it. Each morning, it feels pointless to do the things that I am doing to get a grip on my life and my feelings. Yet I do them on faith alone. It’s been hard to wake up to do my morning routine. Hard to do all the things I do to keep myself grounded and calm as things and people change in my life. It’s been a struggle not to react to ever-changing aspects of my life, but most of all, it’s been hard not to miss my dad and aunt.

I want it to get easier. I almost wish time would heal, but there are days the wound is as raw as the first day, and I break down at strange times.  Heading to the gym while listening to Rocky 4, or heading to do errands and suddenly choking up. It still surprises me how deeply it hurts. And then there are interactions with others where I vehemently disagree with their reasoning yet I still do as I am requested. And it takes me down a deeper rabbit hole of pain.

And finally, it’s just dealing with people because you love others and want to make them happy, but being around their friends or significant others just makes me feel alone and ornery. I do it reluctantly, but I also wonder at what cost to my heart and soul. So I withdraw, get quieter, lose myself in my routines. but it just hurts.

It hurts deep, and it hurts hard, and makes me feel alone and ornery.

I

Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Negativity Bubble

The past few days have been  struggle. I see something in myself that I don’t like: negativity and self-doubt. Lately, it is never easy to tell when I am being cautious, prudent or just being an asshole. I feel as if I am fighting unstoppable forces and it’s made me incredibly sad. I look for relief in my morning routine, meditation, writing and talking to others just so I can be sure what I am saying or fighting isn’t me being just scared. But I still cannot tell. And it hurts, and makes me doubt if I am just being a roadblock, and then I just want to give in and not be this negative force. There is a part of me that is sure that I am right, but another part that says what if I am not?

So I take moments to shift, to see the other side, and take a breath. To remain calm, and not just react. And then I surrender because, at worst, it may just be a wrong decision, but I won’t die, nothing will get broken, and all that will be wasted is my energy and time. Sometimes resisting is not the best way to cope with strategy or new directions.

So I begin with this week with acceptance, being calm and present, and allow life to take me on this journey. I look forward to finding ways to be in contribution.

Happy Monday!