Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

The Gray Life

Grief is boring. The colors around me are dimmer. I am slower. Often distracted. Unconcerned with loved ones needs and wants. Just making through the day in a daze. It’s caused damage in some relationships as the Sanjay they need is on another plain of pain and sadness. A selfish Sanjay who just looks inwards and forgets that life is moving forward without him,

Grief sucks. Continually looking at certain pictures, and replaying certain memories. I feel like an iPod on endless repeat of a song. Yet it is not satisfying but stultifying.

Grief angers. I don’t have any more words to explain to others nor do I want. There are moments I want to be left alone and others I feel suffocated in my loneliness.

Grief grays me. The color inside me feels drained and shallow. Yet I also know this self-pity has to go away. Life and Death happen. Get over it. Honor them. That’s the goal.

So I begin today vowing to be a better husband, son, brother and friend. Sitting in my room allowing grief to control me does nothing but damage me and my memory of those gone. I know they would be disappointed to see me this way. So Today, I start anew.

Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Medicating the Soul

There is nothing like the buzz from an amazing long weekend to wake up to on a Tuesday. While there is the immediate wish to go back, there is also a huge amount of gratitude for the people in your life who allow you such moments. A dear friend got married with a partner invested in the same ideals of commitment, friendship and love as her. It hit me that connections like that soothe the soul, and make me want to be a better husband, brother, son and friend.  That it is OK to be in friendship rather than comparison, to celebrate rather than judge, to enjoy the moment that comment on what’s missing.

It also hit me that there are various ways to self-medicate. From abusing booze, to oversleeping or to food (one of my sins), it is easy to try to fill that never empty gap one can get in your soul. Until you surround yourself with love, understanding, and great company.  I can always choose to feel alone, or I can be here in a beautiful moment with others. So this weekend, I didn’t just celebrate a beautiful wedding, but many relationships. I renewed my vows with faith, love and friendship. I medicated with gratitude rather than substances.

Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

One Third Done!

May 1st.  One third of 2017 has finished.  Where are you on your goals? Are you living a life of legacy or just passing time. Today, in this moment, are you living up to your potential?  If you died today. what would be your regrets? These are the questions I ask myself each month as I review my planner and make new goals for the month.

It still strikes me as crazy that so much of 2017 has passed by and while I am proud of some my accomplishments like hitting 275 on back squat, 365 on my deadlift, going on two amazing hikes, writing consistently, trying new places with wife, getting trained on how to handle immigration bonds, getting more comfortable doing legal and Ziba work, there is so much more I am hungry for. Like connection, spending intimate time with my life, and other loved ones.  Truly living life rather than just feeling like I have to work.

After a life of legacy will not come from working 50 to 80 hour work weeks, it will come from 50 to hour vision based activities. So I am grateful for my vision and for knowing that I have ways to go, and it’s OK. The point was never to finish all my tasks, but to begin them. The journey is what makes it fun. Happy Monday and May 1st!

Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Tasks Versus Goals

In just a few days, March ends. We are 1/4 of the way done with 2017. That boggles my mind. Each month,  I take a few minutes to take stock of the month with the same question: am I living a life worth living?  The answer for this year so far has been a resounding yes. Are there challenges? Failures? Missed opportunities?  Of course, to say otherwise assumes that I am done learning, pushing myself and ensuring I am present for others. There is the constant urge to keep moving, to do more, be of service to others, but there are times I also know that I can get more task oriented rather than goal focused.

Last week, after speaking to my accountability buddy, it occurred to me while its fine to get through my to do list, I get to focus on what my vision is. It is not about lists or tasks, but creating a life that matters and makes the world better than when I came into it. It is that drive that gets me to be up before 6am most mornings because the excuses of “not enough time” no longer works if I truly want change.

Food For Thought, Journal

Foodie Monster

So I spent a majority of my time this weekend beginning Thursday, eating different kinds of foods. From a boys night out at the Blind Rabbit (a hidden speakeasy at the Anaheim Packing District) to fast becoming one of my favorite breakfast restaurants No Toro, I spent indulging myself with intimate conversation and the relaxed view that I earned all those meals. I also managed to get the wife great dessert at Coffee Code while she treated me to amazing fish at Mariscos Choix. When people ask why I work out, I always reply to eat.  This is not to suggest that I gorge myself (although there are times I have), but my insistence that to live a life of legacy means enjoying the journey as well.

So finding new places, new conversations about interesting foods and drinks motivate me to push myself in other words. I mean what is the point of doing so much work when I do not give myself rewards. Bribing myself works, and I recommend everyone to become a foodie monster!

Food For Thought, Journal, Myself

Wait But Why

Arriving back from Jackson, Mississippi late last night, it hit me how it was good to change to your environment for a few days. It is easy to get caught up in the hum drum of daily life, and while that consistency has its benefits, what I found was that with each travel occasion, I had a chance to deepen my love of interaction with others, find new food and stay in moments of gratitude that I have the privilege and luxury of being able to have new experiences.

It is too easy to take for granted the opportunities for connection with others that  you do not see very often. Although I was a relation by marriage to many there, I was made to feel like immediate family and that comfort and care pushed me to want to create more moments and opportunities like this in the future. Also, my crazy desire to try the best food where ever I am also played a big part.

A friend sent me a great article while I was there, and it seemed as if the Universe conspired yet again to let me know Papa looked out for me as it emphasized that we have very little in person time left with loved ones. It is easy to get so caught up in pursuing our financial dreams that we lose sight of the real treasures in front of us. So today, take time to make spending time with loved ones an EMERGENCY. Trust me when I say you will drown in regret if you lose that opportunity/