Running Shadow

running-shadowI never expected to like running. Most times, I still dread it. Yet when I am puffing along, each time a reminder that I am too old for this shit, I see my shadow in front of me, seeming to say, “keep moving. You got this, man.  One step at a time.” As I run, the thoughts inside run along as well, from wondering about my next story to my next event to ideas for date night. The run has becoming my time to be present even though I am lost in thought. It is a time to reconnect with all that is going underneath. It still strikes me as surreal that 2 years ago, I was recovering from brain surgery.  What a difference, the idea of losing your mind, makes.

So I run with the shadow in front of me, pushing me, goading me, getting me to go oh just a bit farther and faster.  To get to the next milestone (12 miles, baby), to be better than I was before. To do more things. Think more ideas. Have more ideals. Change more. Stay certain. The thump of the shoes on the pavement a reminder of how far I have come, and the running shadow in front of me pushing me to keep going.

Run, Sanjay, Run.


Controlling Others

downloadIt has been a surreal few weeks. Friends that I haven’t seen in ages came around, and one after another, I got to reconnect, and recharge those relationships. I am up to 8 miles running even though if you had asked me the  year before, I HATED running. And now adding to the excitement I am promoting a Jassi Sidhu club show with my favorites Sandeep Kumar and Dhol Nation. On the writing front, I am getting to 100 words a day, but the story is going slow.  Yet, I am still unfulfilled, still hungry. There is so much today in terms of volunteering, meditation and over all health including my relationships with my loved one. I am not stopping. I can’t stop. S

I am tempted constantly to respond on social media to people I disagree with, but I remind myself that I cannot control others. I can barely control myself.  The  urge to correct and fix things as we see fit is an innate part of us.

But, and this is a big but, whatever is meant to happen will. There is no point in fighting others and their viewpoints. I try to be careful and not jump on the bandwagon of bad mouthing. It has become ridiculously easy so to mock, denigrate or nag others when they are doing something we don’t agree with. There is also a pattern of holier than thou-ism that drives me crazy. Take for instance the recent posts on Gaza, Ferguson, and the ALS ICE Bucket challenge.  While my timeline exploded with hashtags of #prayforgaza and #alsicebucketchallenge, there were so many quick to disparage people for “slacktavism.”  The challenges were mostly to do more than post images or to worry about the drought, yet I couldn’t help wonder what drove them to criticize. Again the need to control others came. The reality is that we all do things the way we want, and tell others how they should feel about thing is a common fallacy as well as a waste of time.

The negativity emanating from Facebook makes me want to quit it often, and I do take sabbaticals as we feel compelled to tells others what to do all the time when we, in fact, don’t want others to control us. See the contradiction?

Food For Thought, Myself

Busy Bee

awesome copyAugust has turned into a busy month already. From partaking to weddings, to running 4 times a week, I have now added doing a bhangra show early September. Yet none of it feels like work (except for some of the weddings), and I realize that I still miss writing daily, still want to do things with wife, still want to do all the other things in my  life.  Yet, this moment, more than anything else I need to be here for this moment. It’s so easy to live in the past and future, thinking of what has been and what is to come, and not just enjoy the current moment for what it is.  So I am using the post to just be. To know that all is well. That it’s not about me what’s going in my life. That all I have right now are my 5 senses, and this present moment. Am I tempted to think about the Jassi Sidhu show or the 13 miles run coming up? Yes, of course, but then I catch myself just sitting here and being grateful. Alive. Present. Happy. Fulfilled. Determined. Focused.

Zen Habits is teaching to try to slow down, to see what the moment is about rather than focus on what’s ahead or behind. Too often, it becomes about expectations for myself and others instead of just realizing that at end of the day, nothing really matters except for the relationships with yourself and your loved ones.


Decisions, Decisions

Letting Go2It has been an exhausting but strangely fulfilling week. I am learning finally what it means to take a vacation although I probably over did it by booking 5 different things to in 7 days but that is part of the fun. Some vacations are about relaxations and others are about discovery.  I also know that there are parts of me that still require a lot of work. The lack of patience I have for some people’s selfishness as well as cheapness drives me crazy. One person I will speak to, and the other is not really my place. I am sure even the first person is not my place, but I would like to nip their bad behavior in the bud before the friendship is ruined. The old me would tear them a new one in this blog post or on social media, but I like to pretend that I have matured a bit. The new me wants to let it all go as part of my new habit this month with Zen Habits. This month’s module is letting go of expectations of myself and others, but I have this need to fix things and people. So I am going to risk it even though I am pretty certain the news won’t be take well.  The other, well, I just need to not be around that person which means I am not around a certain group of people. And I am OK with that. Or I could just let it all go. Just let life be.  Keep repeating that it’s not about me. And maybe, just maybe, I may do the right thing and keep quiet.  But don’t count on it.

This month is also the month where I go all out to get ready for the Spartan Beast. Wish me luck!