Thankful Amongst Other Things

Yesterday. as the kids tore into their presents and the adults eagerly awaited their turn, I looked around and noticed the smiles that abounded. I could not help being amazed at how many of us were there. From cousins, to in-laws, to cousin in-laws, it was a maelstrom of personal relationships. Between the torn gift wraps, and the squeals of the youngest ones, I saw truly how lucky I am to be in the family I have.  We truly enjoy each others company.  Each and everyone one us can spend hours with each other and not think anything of it.  We often joke that to outsiders it much look a bit surreal how much we enjoy each other presences. It wasn’t always like that. We went through our trials, our fights, arguments, disagreements (we still do), but I think it was the recognition that we love each other.

We also were not always together. Due to various constraints, we lived in different countries for several years, until finally we all came together in 1984. More than anything, that distance made us yearn to be together, and when we did, instead of dissipating, it grew stronger. After my sisters and I reunited with our parents, we managed to get others to come as well from cousins to parents siblings. We grew from the five of us to husbands, wives, cousins, in-laws, and the more that came, the more our hearts swelled. It struck me that we were quite lucky, and for that I am thankful.  Then I got a beautiful wife with a generous heart and soul, and one who transitioned into our family seamlessly.

Then take, for instance, my sister Sumita. She often tells others she is my second mom (for good reason, she is), and is the person the family relies on to solve problems. Not only is she the CEO of the business, I would contend she is the CEO of the family. Most often, both are intertwined.  Her generosity and love for us has allowed us to traverse some very rough waters.  Although love follows us everywhere, we are also very good friends with disease. Each time we prevail, I marvel at the strength my family shows, and also at the love that keeps us going. In my long-winded way, I am just thankful that I have so much besides. There are times I don’t feel like I deserve it, but I do hope to pass it on. It’s the least I can do.


Social Media Addiction

no-facebookAnother week ends, and the end of 2014 is around the bend. Thoughts of what I started out with now resonate with what I actually ended up doing. I now realize that I need to set more goals, more ways to help others, more ways to write, more ways to be better than the Sanjay the year before. I experimented with various things this year, but one of the most fulfilling ended up being when I took a fast from Facebook. I realized that it represented my life in a way where I spent too much criticizing others or how they could live their  life better when, in fact, the only person that matters is what I do with myself. So I think slowly I am going to disengage from social media where the conversations are all on the surface. Everyone has an opinion, and that’s great for them, but for me, personally, I want to see what I can contribute to this world as opposed to what I can take from it.   Yet it’s also addictive. I catch myself constantly checking what others are saying. Grimacing at some (most of the posts), as well as enjoying others. I am like a rat doping myself continually on the pleasure centers, foregoing nourishment and mental health.

Yes, that, too is a an opinion, but one I don’t need to share with others constantly. I see a “holier than thou” attitude in myself that I don’t care for.  I took this journey for myself so I can be better for the people who are important to me. That does not include what I feel others should be feeling or thinking. It’s hard not to get caught up with that when you begin checking as frequently as I have. So I think I will begin working on that. It is a will power thing. I find myself with a lot of excuses as to why I cannot do another fast so for now, I think I will do what I did last time which was delete the app from my phone.

Wish me luck. Lets see how long I can last 🙂

Journal, Myself

Nanowrimo, Movember, Turkey Trot and Random Thoughts

nano_12_winner_detailIt’s been almost a month since I last blogged. In that time, I managed to write 50,000 words, enough to be considered a winner for Nanowrimo, grow a moustache for Movember and raise almost $600 and completed my first month at crossfit. I also managed to reach my fastest 10K ever (1 hour, 11 minutes and 11 seconds) where at the end I seriously felt like throwing up. For you non math majors. that’s an average of 11 minutes and 27 seconds, nowhere near Hussain Bolt, but for someone like me, a great milestone. Someone marvelled at all the things I am doing, and my first instinct was to tell them about my wife’s patience and secondly about Zen Habits, the Sea Change Program, but then it also hit me. It is my unwillingness to just be comfortable. I mean what’s the point if I am not growing, not learning, not doing something with my time, energy and money? Don’t get me wrong, I am also constantly failing, and as Leo says that’s part of habits. That’s part of life, the learning process. If we don’t fall down, how else can we learn to get back up.

Are there days I feel lazy? All the freaking time.

Do I give up?  More often than I care to admit.

Do I struggle at working out?  I have to finish a crossfit class where I actually got through the Workout of the Day.

So these past four days, I just slept in and rested and just did nothing. And as much as I felt recharged, I also felt anxious. I am not content. The next step is getting that first novel draft edited, do some charitable work that allows me to use my talents (if I have any) to help others, and get my weight down to the ideal of 210 pounds. Also, all along to spend time with my wife that is meaningful and lets her know that she means the world to me.  I know my ambition and lack of communication are a lethal combination sometimes in how I inform my wife of my goals. I am sure its frustrating for those close to me to not know what’s going on in my head, but trust me it’s all geared towards me being the best me I can be.

Hang on tight, its gonna be a wild ride.