February 2016 – Sanjay Sabarwal's Blog

Each morning, I wake up and for a few seconds while I am still in bed, I express gratitude for my life, for the people in it and my existence. Those few moments matter to me because so much could change. It has in the past. New people, problems, ideas and things happen. Then there is the inevitable loss. It surprises me still how I respond when death occurs. It is as if I continually forget how that is also life’s deal. You come in one day, and you leave. Most of the time, you never know when, but you know what even if you do, it has become important for me to love my life and the people in it the way I was meant to.

This means connecting with loved ones, telling them how I feel, letting them know they matter to me, and how much. I forget sometimes, but lately those few seconds, I send out gratitude. I used to feel silly , but no longer. Life is too important to be lost in regrets. That’s not to say, I don’t say it to them, just that those moments have become important because sometimes words are enough.

I say again and again in those moments and now. Thank you for being in my life. Thank you for allowing me to see your light. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Simple words, important. I no longer need to have to see all my loved ones (although I wish I could), but if nothing else I hope and pray these thoughts reach them in their moment of need.

The last few weeks have not gone as planned. Take for example, yesterday where I planned to write, work out, work and then go to my writers group. Instead, I slept in, went to my annual physical where the doctor told me I had “too much belly,” and then rushed to get my blood work done while late for a meeting at work. Then at the meeting, a throbbing headache started and next thing I knew I was in the midst of a full-blown migraine. My amazing wife took care of me, and tried all sorts of things to ease my pain, and then the day ended.

At first, there was this constant knocking in my brain that I lost the day. Then it hit me that I failed to work out 5 days a week last week, and then I didn’t meditate regularly, and I wrote only a few days, and was unable to visit all my studios. On and on, the noise went until I took a breath and remembered what I committed my buddy Jayden. I would not get attached to results, and what things should look like. I get to powerful, calm and loving even if that came down to just applying that to me. Which I do not do very often. I get to stop beating myself up, and accept the days as they are not as I wish for them to be. This is not to say I am abdicating responsibility. It just means that I get to do what I can, and not get attached to how it should be, but how it is.

I get to accept, and know that beating myself up only bruises me, and does not make me stronger. Acceptance does. Today is a new day, a new moment, an opportunity to make the most of it regardless of the results.