49 sounds surreal to me, but it is here, close the milestone of 50 which God willing I will reach. I have so much to be grateful for, so much abundance, and knowledge and pain and experience, and love that it does not seem possible that I am where I am. Which is exactly where I need to be.
Yet I still have a ways to go, and before I would moan and groan, now I look forward to the challenge of life, of struggle, of uncertainty, of being wrong, being write, being open, shedding old ideas, beliefs and people. So much of my fear of failure guided me where I a now, but it is now replaced with determination and the realization that failure or lack of success are the best teachers. If everything came easy then what would I learn?
And that is the truth that I didn’t want face. Because of my amazing family, a lot of things did come easy and now I realize that it took me far longer to learn some lessons I should have learned way earlier. But I now see that recognizing even that is a step in the right direction. I may be a young 49 mentally, but I am older, and I am learning, growing, experimenting, loving and at the end of the day that’s all matters.
So here’s to being close to 50, to knowing that I am past half the the life I will live, and to make the best of it like my father and go out smiling, laughing, drinking, loving, experimenting and gathering new experiences.