It’s hard for me to write about my mom. My words are just a bunch of letters in regards to her. It’s all I have and it feels futile because she knows. We have what they call an asymmetric relationship. She has given way more things, experiences, unconditional love, food, comfort than I can ever possibly return. Yet I also know she wouldn’t expect anything, and to her, her natural state is to give. I don’t think I remember a time when she didn’t comfort me or offer something to make my life better.
It makes for a hard post when it hits me what unconditional looks like in real life. I can’t help being happy or proud when I do or get her something, but she’s been giving for 48 years and counting, and never pointed it out. I hope I have the courage and love to take care of her when she is no longer able to. Yet that idea hurts to even think about. It’s what make this post so hard to write. To acknowledge a future I don’t want or wish to think about. Easier to just see her as she is now and has always been. Available, loving, comforting, giving, and teaching. And you know, that’s always how I will remember her.
Happy belated Mothers Day mom (well not really, but the post is) I love you.