Brownness, Myself

Is Uncertainty a Friend or Foe?

I am not sure when uncertainty became my best friend. Since high school, I have known what I wanted to do. And even when I was confused or slightly off the path, somehow I would get guidance or see where I needed to go either through sheer luck or the loving hands of my family and friends.

Time was I had a future pictured that involved me married with kids, alongside a beautiful woman and a meaningful career of my choice. Lawyer, writer, record label owner, promoter or something inherently unique just needed a quick touch and voila life was complete. And I believed in that until life happened. Actually thats not quite accurate. Nothing happened.

That was the problem, I waited for my birthright of being guided or figuring things out and I woke up to being 38 years old, with no clue what I will tell people at my 20 year high school reunion. Who am I? Now thats a question I just don’t know how to answer.

But you know what I am more determined to figure it out before my 40th because damnit I need to be able to tell my kids. Don’t get me wrong, I have been blessed way more than most yet what I struggle with is this nagging feeling that I could have done so much more and I should do it. What really is stopping me? Uncertainty. Actually specifically my refusal

So each day will begin as my perfect day until it is or isn’t. No uncertainty. Just being, doing and fighting my true enemy of uncertainty.