Month: July 2023

Numbers have a funny way of insinuating themselves into our lives. This year makes it our twelfth wedding anniversary, but its our first one with Zyan, and suddenly 12 becomes a whole lot more meaningful and beautiful. I never thought I would accept sharing my wife with someone who not only multiplies our love, but has it focused on him. Each of our glances towards each other also have him in the periphery. Instead of a meal with just two of us, we became a party of 3 and for a while we felt full being a complete family unit(of course, the dog would have made it more complete for my wife).

And all i can do is count my blessings. Things are changing all the time, but for us, the changes have been continuous and rapid. Some have been not as welcome, but a majority have required us changing our mindset. More specifically mine. My tendency or need for structure does not serve me well sometimes when there are changes. I get to learn to navigate or find different ways to accomplish my goals. Too often, I get hung up on the way my day did not go as planned, and so now I get to think about my days differently.

The same applies to our marriage. As we grow together, we learn to support each other. It can take a while when we get stuck in our stories. One of my biggest learnings is that instead of focusing on my needs and words, I get to learn to stay open, present, and truly hear the others. More often than not, we are saying the same thing but in different ways. And I admit there have been times it has led to lack of appreciation and understanding of each other.

One of the wonderful things about numbers like anniversaries is a chance to reflect, to celebrate, to perhaps apologize, to acknowledge, to share our blessings, but most of all, to let the other person how much they are truly loved.

Happy Anniversary Babu, I love you.

The morning time. A time to reflect, regret, recover, remember and revise the harsh words I threw at someone. It started off with good intentions except I forgot one thing: to communicate. As a lawyer and a writer, I can sometimes be exceptionally bad at asking for what I need or want. Instead, I find passive aggressive ways that do not serve me and make things infinitely worse. And then I layer that on with some more silence, outside and inside even though the hurt bubbles inside me like molten lava, the need to say sorry and be heard so loud that I can say or hear nothing else.

But the words have been thrown, the damage done, and words alone aren’t going to get me out of this. Actions will, but that takes time, and I am impatient, wanting forgiveness immediately like inserting the correct code into the ATM and getting money (i.e satisfaction) right NOW. But hurt takes time to leave the body, but it will also stay longer if my actions continue to be the same way.

so morning time, a time to reflect, regret, recover, remember and revise. A time to think things through, learn to use my words correctly but at the right time. Which is not NOw. So I get to wait in silence, and I get to experience the persons hurt due to my words, which is an appropriate lesson or punishment. And then I hope I learn and not do it again. There’s always hope to learn, leverage, love and loosen the true feelings inside me.

This past weekend, Zyan turned 8 months old, and now I fully understand why so many parents say that time flies. Its hard to imagine a time without him. Our smiles match his, and it’s truly heartening to see my wife and my entire family light up at the sight of him. He finds a way to squirrel into each heart. and watching him be entertained by so many this weekend made it clear that he will always be surrounded by love and blessings.

Hearing the longing in my wife’s voice as she FaceTimed him this weekend did make my heart squeeze a bit because being away from our son is a challenge. I know my time will come as well, and while intellectually it sounds right to take some time for oneself, the idea of being away from him for any length of time seems like self-inflicted punishment. It does not help that he is such a good child to begin with. He is gentle with his older parents (well mostly gentle). He self-soothes. goes to all the family, makes clear when he is sleepy or hungry, loves the outdoors.

And the list goes on and on, and it hits me that our world is now fuller because of Zyan. All roads lead through him, and we wouldn’t have it any other way. Happy 8 Months Zyan, Mama and Papa love watching you grow!

This past weekend, Zyan experienced his first picnic, while we also learned what we need to bring in the future, and also how to time events. Even though it was a few hours, the sheer joy of watching Zyan play filled the heart, especially watching my wife’s light up and mirror Zyan’s joy. Of course, Bella joined us, and while she snoozed a majority of the time, in those few hours, we were a complete, albeit, small family unit. It was the kind of thing that we already want more of. Just the four of us.

While we are blessed to have so much family and friends who shower us with their love for Zyan and us, it definitely was a reminder that we get to snatch these quiet times for us and our Son so we can draw love and inspiration that becomes a foundation for his emotional strength, capacity to love, learn, engage and know that he is with two parents willing to do anything for him.

So the picnic blankets becomes the metaphor of holding all four of us in an intimate space together. It hit me that it takes effort and willingness from both of us to say No to others and YES to us. The temptation to let others experience him so strong that we sometimes have missed out just being there with him. With me working remote, and my wife taking care of him during the day, there’s very little time for us as a unit. But yesterday, we made it happen.

And we will continue to do so, to have him experience new things with his parents and fur sister because this time will go fast, and we want him to know that he is loved eternally, deeply and completely by his Mama and Papa.

Happy Monday!