Brownness

On Learning

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One of the challenges for me in my career is how much I don’t know. The law part yeah, but more often it’s the filing, the learning of legal based CRMS, forms, and billing. There is so much I have had to get up to speed up, and it’s taken me far longer than I thought to get up to speed. Then there is also learning about social media, marketing, the operations, the taxes, and it all can feel overwhelming except for the fact that when I center myself, become curious, the anxiety fades and I get excited about learning. Sitting on my desk, reading about a new subject or getting deeper knowledge on a subject can feel as satisfying as a delicious meal (and if you know me, you know how I much I love food).

I am grateful for my curiosity, for my need to learn more, to not just sit and accept mediocrity, to not blaming ignorance. Now there are days when I am overwhelmed, but whenever I slow down, and really dive into things, it always come down to fear. Fear of not knowing, of somehow screwings things, fear of not being good enough, all the silly fears that when I allow my insecurities to take root can sometimes paralyze me.

But then I get curious, I get engaged on learning so I can be better version of myself, run a better firm, be a better lawyer, grow even though uncomfortable because in order to keep moving forward you have to keep pushing forward. But learning isn’t just about career or being better, it’s something that also ensures I don’t become stagnant, married to dated ideas and feelings, to allow me progress in all areas of my life.

And so I keep learning, keep taking on new topics or work on a deeper knowledge on my practice areas, keep being open to others who can teach me in fitness, emotional health and provide me with knowledge I don’t have. As long as I continue to be open to learning, I know I will be better. And that to me will always be a win.

Happy Monday!

Brownness

March- by the Numbers

March Goals

Another month completed, and it ended with a blur as I couldn’t believe how much I accomplished in just 31 days. I have to admit, there was an added dread to the month as this time last year, the beginning of 2020 appeared to be one for the books, and while it was, it also meant a lot of unexpected change that took some getting used to. I also wondered if things would veer of course like they did last year, but so far it looks to be a record breaking year. All of this is important for me to remember when I am not perfect, when there are days that I sleep in till 6am or skip a workout or there is a breakdown in communication.

I managed perfection in 3 areas last month. I meditated and read every single day. The reading not a surprise, but getting perfect attendance on Meditation is more of a challenge as weekends I tend to slip up in my intentions. I am happy that I completed the Masterclass on Mindfulness by Jon-Kabat Zin. I believe that supported me in this. I did manage to do my Morning Pages for 30 days which is a huge milestone for me as I tend to forego journaling on the weekends.

I also managed to 25 pushups every single day. Not in a row, but broken up in sets of 10 with 5 second rest in between. I wrote 100 words 25 out of 31 days which for me was huge as I tend to not want to write on the weekends. I did pretty decent in my food journal in marking my food intake and working out, but I didnt put in my weight and my measurements which makes it harder for me to know precisely how I am doing, but my goal was to keep track of my intake and I am doing. I see now where I struggled most was drinking,

I drank 12 times this month which as much as I want to believe is okay, I know it is impacting my weight goals and also I don’t feel my best. I know I need to do better because I think drinking excess calories and not feeling my best the next day are not serving me. I also need to watch my intake. I still have this feast versus famine thinking as in I don’t drink most weekdays, but then overindulge on weekends. I get to find a balance to stop giving myself reasons to take in more than I should.

The goal isn’t perfection, its progress. There are many other areas I improved in, and I can see the results when I stick to them. This past month, my income increased as my client base rose, my views and Subscribers on Sabarwal Law increased as I continue to record videos and post them up. I plan on doing the same for other social media.

This all took off with me waking up at 5am on weekdays. I realize now that with the right self-care, I improve, get more things done. It also highlights my gaps, and things I need to work on, but that’s the journey. I can’t wait to see how I do this month.

Happy Monday!

Brownness

On Struggling

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Each weekday I struggle to wake up at 5am. More often than not I snooze immediately, but instead of going back to sleep, the weekly and daily tasks begin to sneak into my head, and thus I get up a few minutes before the alarm, and I walk down to drink water and be in gratitude. As soon as that happens, the excuses drop away and I sense the potential of the day, and begin my morning routine.

I struggle with that too. There are times I want to read longer or not write at all or perhaps just skip the journaling, but I also know that if I don’t allow myself this self-care, I will go through the day not really checking in with myself. Instead, it will be me going through one task from another and not allowing myself to feel whats going on inside.

And so I struggle, at Crossfit, at work, in my relationships, and it hits me that it will always be that way. Struggle is not a good or bad word, it just is. It is what I learn from that action that I can move forward. It is from frustration, fear, and fatigue that I can grow. If everything came easy, it means that I am not living my best life.

That’s not to say I choose unnecessary struggle. Sometimes it is important to know that I am making things more difficult than they need to be especially in the area of relationships. I struggle from not always being more open or clear on my needs. I see a pattern of not making requests or seeking support and thus I can drown myself in resentment against others who have no ideas as to my state of mind.

Then there is also my struggle to have things be a certain way. It is what causes a lot of my suffering. I realize that until I get to accept things to be the way we are, I will not only needlessly struggle, but I will also continue suffering more than I need to. So there is good struggle and there is bad struggle, but those are the values that I am placing on it. Maybe it’s the other way around or maybe all of it is who I am, and what I need to do in order to be a better version of myself.

Brownness

On Reading

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One of my deepest joys is having a spare morning where I can make my french press and lose myself in reading. I have loved reading since I was a child, and I used to take it granted that others shared the same passion. It helped that my mom likes to read and my older sister now my other sister does as well. Also my aunt with whom I shared an impromptu book club, sharing books that I had finished and who in turn gave it to others.

I know I have spoken about it in the past, but got me thinking about it again is how much I use reading as an incentive to get other less desirable or uncomfortable tasks done (like writing, meditating or legal study). I see it a a reward and as a time out for me which is why my bathroom is littered with New Yorkers, Men’s Healthy and Scientific American magazines.

Moreover, the reading has to be in a physical format. Although I got an Kindle as soon as it was released ages ago, I just missed the flipping of the pages too much. I loved the feel of the hardcover, the paper, the reading of each line imprinted. In a weird way, digital felt like cheating, and it just didn’t carry the satisfaction.

Since the beginning of the year, I have really made a concerted effort to read more different subjects, more authors that are non indian, more so called fun reads that make you want to finish the book quickly. I love the race to the end, its a game I play with myself. I always win because no matter if the book was good or bad, I got to live in a different world, see characters and hopefully glean some knowledge on how I can be a better writer.

And so today, relish the opportunity to read, and I am grateful that I have the luxury of doing so. Happy Monday!

Brownness

On Getting Older

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Yesterday we celebrated my niece’s 26th birthday and I couldn’t help being grateful to my sister and brother in law to allow me to have so much time with Maya. She is the first I saw from birth, and we always just had this connection that brings me joy each time I meet her. I have been lucky that recently I have seen so much more of her, and seeing her grown into a woman is truly breathtaking.

I keep revisiting Maya as I am lucky again to spend time with my wife’s niece, and I can’t help comparing as both the nieces are kind, loving and just a sheer pleasure to be around. They create joy just by their mere presence and also by how thoughtful they are. I always smile when I walk into my moms house and I see Maya and my mom just hanging out, spending time. I am a bit envious but only in the way that I too want to just hang with them.

I also envy my wife as she too will get to experience her niece the same as Maya and the road ahead is just filled with so much joy, pride and love. She too will see her niece transform into an even more special being.

Happy Monday!

Brownness

Making Time

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One of the my habits for a while has been to be in gratitude. It started off simply enough before the pandemic with the 5 Minute journal, but it took on more significance as the days progressed and it became less clear if we would ever return to the normalcy. What took on more urgency for me was to count and collect my blessings as I had so much more than others and even that I realized until I began to take note of it. From expressing gratitude that even if I couldn’t go to the gym, I could run or be held accountable by my crossfit friends asking me as to what I was doing to stay healthy. Or the fact that I still had work, and getting more as I allowed myself to think opportunity and let go of my scarcity feelings.

Yet my greatest strength and blessings were the facts that I had a large family in my bubble. From amazing in laws to my own relatives, I had a bigger list than others to rely on. Over and over, I expressed gratitude that I had options while others had none. Again and again, I could count on meals with various people while so many had to make do with one or a few people.

This past weekend, I acknowledged how far we had come when the family went out to Temecula and got a chance to something outdoors together. I am luckier than so many that I hang out with my loved ones not out of obligation but of desire. It was heartening to see my mom and mother in law toasting each other while my cousins, sister and brother in laws sat and enjoyed food, company and so much laughter. Even in that moment, I sensed of how far we had come. That there was so much light in this darkness, and it was because I chose to look at the pinpoint of light rather than allow darkness to envelope me.

I am blessed, and I know it, and I am grateful. Happy Monday!