Month: March 2008

Often we allow for flashes of our life to fill the day only to realize that instead of reality we passed a day in dreams.  Think about that for a second.  What could have been a layer to add to who we are was instead wasted on what was in the past or what we thought it to be.  More and more of my days are piling up to be aching for a quick moment taking me further and further away from creating new memories.  Or maybe its the other way, only when do I think what was good and light can I take the heaviness of time away.  Its a question that harps on me endlessly.  Was the past reality or what I am doing now my life?  2 different questions perhaps but they seem to merge into my heart the same. 

 What is my life?  Is it a series of moments or just flashes of intense emotion? Am I a creator of something or a destroyer of other’s something?  Constantly, the randomness surrounds me, and the quietness increases inside me.  And then the moments arrive, and I lose myself again in illusion.  Perhaps that is my life. 

were my friends but now look at me as a defeated stranger.  What was once a river is now a dry stream of pointless self-doubt and whiny pain.  I wonder did I desert them or did they escape my melodramatic life? Answers used to be appear unthinkingly, now I am just left with long questions.  It is not my first post on this subject and wont be my last.  They are my shadow, and until forced down into a physical form, my life is a blur of seconds and hours of pretended thought.  Its like a hole needs to overflow in me before I can spit out a few gobs of high minded but meaningless thoughts.  You know the feeling, it sure looks good but who cares if it works.  A philosophy quite well suited in my world. 

The recent years have multiplied in experiences and interactions, but the need to document decrease perhaps because there isnt anything real to show.  They are like dreams, best remembered upon wakeing and soon forgotten and then reminsced about randomly as something sets off the memory.  But nothing concrete because that would mean its reality.