Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Feedback

I always search for feedback, and I generally assume others are also open to getting it, too. However, I forget that while I may in the mode to be a better version of myself, that doesn’t mean others are looking to do the same.  Sometimes, people are content being who and where they are. They don’t think they need to change because what they are doing is working for them.

There is also a time and place for feedback, and I tend to mistake some conversations and people as open to feedback. It’s hard to be more specific because then this post would sound judgemental. I realize that every person is on their own journey and path. Unless someone asks for directions, or indicates openness, giving unsolicited feedback may would, or worse, create a disconnection with others.

It’s not easy to always notice ways others can do things differently just because I wouldn’t do it that way. I struggle with the idea that not much is in my control except my reaction to it. The more power I give to negative ideas, the stronger they become, the harder it becomes for me to let it be.

And so I use situations I find difficult as feedback to me. I can choose how to experience things. I can choose to let others be. I can use that moment to grow, to get curious, listen, shut my mouth, and just be present. And to keep learning.

Happy Monday!

Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Committment

I am pretty proud of myself that for the past two weeks I have managed to go to Crossfit five days a week. It’s funny how something that seemed undoable to me because of my own stories now is fast becoming a habit. I can see why people get addicted doing something that pushes you each time you do it. There have been no easy workouts, none where I said too easy, in fact, the opposite. Each workout shows my weaknesses and where I have been skimping, and it all fuels my commitment.

Each morning, I get to work and find things to do that cause me pause, from legal study to learning new material or learning how to do videos or email marketing, and it makes me recommit to running a solo law practice.

I committed to being present, curious and be of service to my loved ones. I take moments out to spend quality time to not just assume friends and family will reach out and I make efforts to check in where I can. It makes for a richer day when I have had the chance to share bread with loved ones, and it wasn’t just a meal but an exchange of ideas, information and thoughts.

I committed to living a fuller life in all areas of my life, and it takes constant practice and action to make it happen. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

What are you committed to?

Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Resistance

It’s crazy to know we are halfway through August. Unlike others, I am blessed I able to practice my profession and be of service to others. I also have recommitted to Crossfit because I noticed I was only going one to two times a week and running the rest of the days. I realized that I resisted going to Crossfit because it was hard, uncomfortable, and I felt like a failure. All stories that I told myself to not do something difficult.

It’s hard for me to ask clients for money. It’s hard for me to be engaged when people discuss things I don’t know about or are not my interest. And so I resist by avoiding,denying or ignoring. It’s easier to make up stories than be vulnerable or change the narrative until I chose to get accountability people who won’t let me just live these fake stories. So I learn to dive into the discomfort, learn to get curious, and truly hear what others needs are, become open to learning about the people in my life.

It’s not easy because resistance has become a natural reaction, but I know it stops me from growing, from being the best version of myself. When I resist, I know I am scared. I am allowing fear to dictate and while some fear is fine, allowing only that can calcify me. And so I do the things that scare me,I take chances, I learn,and I grow. I use resistance as my barometer for letting me know that I get to keep pushing forward.

Happy Monday!

Brownness, Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

A fruitful bitter weekend

It is always a blessing to spend time with those who genuinely enjoy your company. Two weekends ago, I felt so much love, connection and warmth while I quietly also grieved for my aunt. It was a surreal weekend in that so many emotions intertwined inside me, yet I know that many memories were made, and relationships deepened.

It took me two weeks to process and I realized that as I get older, my loved one do too. I will see more passings, more transitions, and I know that time with them has a bit of urgency to it that I wish it didn’t.  Already, I have experienced three deaths, and while they are alive in my mind, I also see myself not saying as much as I could. I keep the pain buried, but it is also in my actions. I am quieter, and then I am not. The pendulum inside me goes from wanting to shout out all my feelings or to remain still and feel them all.

Not much time goes by that regret doesn’t pierce my heart and I wonder how many missed opportunities I had with my dad and aunts. How easy it would have been to pick up the phone, to tell them I miss and love them one more time?

And what about the ones still here? What can I do better? I know that as the relationships deepen with others, more memories are made, but I also know its important to maintain old and new friends, to be there for family, to know that I didn’t spend my days worrying about a future I can’t control, and instead spent it in experiences.

I not only tasted wine, but got to be around people who genuinely wanted the best for me, and I also got to say goodbye to an amazing soul. I don’t think I can ask for much more. Spend more time with loves is the new motto!