It is always a blessing to spend time with those who genuinely enjoy your company. Two weekends ago, I felt so much love, connection and warmth while I quietly also grieved for my aunt. It was a surreal weekend in that so many emotions intertwined inside me, yet I know that many memories were made, and relationships deepened.
It took me two weeks to process and I realized that as I get older, my loved one do too. I will see more passings, more transitions, and I know that time with them has a bit of urgency to it that I wish it didn’t. Already, I have experienced three deaths, and while they are alive in my mind, I also see myself not saying as much as I could. I keep the pain buried, but it is also in my actions. I am quieter, and then I am not. The pendulum inside me goes from wanting to shout out all my feelings or to remain still and feel them all.
Not much time goes by that regret doesn’t pierce my heart and I wonder how many missed opportunities I had with my dad and aunts. How easy it would have been to pick up the phone, to tell them I miss and love them one more time?
And what about the ones still here? What can I do better? I know that as the relationships deepen with others, more memories are made, but I also know its important to maintain old and new friends, to be there for family, to know that I didn’t spend my days worrying about a future I can’t control, and instead spent it in experiences.
I not only tasted wine, but got to be around people who genuinely wanted the best for me, and I also got to say goodbye to an amazing soul. I don’t think I can ask for much more. Spend more time with loves is the new motto!
Sanjay Sabarwal's Blog 