Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

On Eve’s

It’s hard to believe that 2019 is almost here. In the morning quiet, I contemplate what the new year will bring, but then again I realize that in order to move forward, I get to look back and see how far I have come forward or back. It’s an uncomfortable feeling to see some goals that I write year after year still looking at me, mocking me, making feel that I got nothing done this year. Then I look at all the new unexpected things that I also added that made my life not only better but different.

I also there is a long road ahead, and there is so much more I need to do, or do better. To make others feel acknowledged and loved, to let them know that they are thought about even if I don’t see them regularly or if I do to find better ways to show my love for them. Each day is a new 24 hours to spend either the same way or maybe, just maybe a bit differently. I keep thinking of the quote by Jack Kornfield (but most often wrongly attributed to the Buddha), “the trouble is you think you have time.”

It is true, I forget that I meant to tell my dad more often that I loved him, or to my aunt that her joy in the world brought me joy. And now it’s too late. It hits me that I spend more time doing tasks or being in service, yet those closest to me (my wife, mom, sisters) don’t get as much intimate time as they deserve.

So I spend this Eve making the promise to make those around me feel more loved. If I manage that, I consider 2019 to be a success.

Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Nearing 2019

It’s strange to realize that 2018 is done in 20 days, and a new year begins. As I review my Law of Attraction of Planner, I am struck at how many goals I stated, and how few I finished. It seems that when I do not keep my vision in front of me on a constant basis, I forget. That’s the other thing. Keeping track of all that I want to do, to foster the intimate relationships I wish to foster, to be in service, to be a full time attorney while also writing. Inevitably, something gets left behind.

Each year, I fill out 50 goals that I wish to achieve in my life. I then put a timeline on it, yet every year there are things that just don’t make the cut or never get done. When I am not focused on my vision, no! when I am not ruthlessly focused on my vision, daily life and distractions take over. The dreams of vacationing quarterly fall away to random getaways because I didn’t take the time to plan time for us to do things. So we repeat the same places well because it’s just easier.

So as the year ends, and I review my actions, I do see sprinkles of hope, and areas of improvement. I do see movement forward and some backward. So I review my visions, write down my 2019 goals, and know that I may not get to all of them, the important thing is that I did the exercise and know what is important to me. And then maybe, some day, one time, they will become to important that I will get off my butt and do something about then.

Happy Tuesday!

Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal, Writing

Nanowrimo and Writing

On November 30, I managed to write 50,100 words which under Nanowrimo meant I had written a novel in 30 days.  Yet I also know that those words will never see the light of day. You see, all of writing is revision, yet what I wrote not only is beyond revision, it was also not my intent. I used Nanowrimo to force the cobwebs off my brain, and recreate the habit of writing daily. I wanted to get the joy back into creating a fictional story, to go into a world of my creation where I was God.

As time goes by, I realize that one of the things I discard easily is my habit of daily writing. Reason being is, it is just too hard to sit there day by day to create something and because I Am a panster (someone who makes it up as he goes along), it feels as if I am wasting time. That I could be doing something else of meaning. And so I convinced myself to stop writing, yet there wasn’t a day that I didn’t think about it. And then it hit me that just like being a lawyer, the real reason for giving up was fear. What if I wasn’t good enough, what if no one read my stuff, what if I was a failure. And that insecurity convinced me to let go of writing.

Yet I never really wrote for others. I wrote for myself, and if others read then, it was an added bonus. Getting readership or being published has never been my goal (although it would nice) because when I wrote daily, it helped me to get what was inside me, out. I wrote because it helped me make sense of my world. And so I am grateful for Nanowrimo for rekindling that joy in me.

Happy Monday!