Month: September 2013

Brownness

Stepping Forward

Sanjay Sabarwal

Another beautiful Sunday morning. Approximately 820am. I quickly walked the dog, wiling it to take a take a crap immediately so I could rush back home, shower and then head out. I had the chance, no wait. I MADE the chance to go finally check out the Culver City Steps yesterday (called the Baldwin Hills Scenic Outlook on Yelp). I had texted several people and even tried to guilt-force Preeti into going, but there were no takers.  So I stepped forward alone. It was exhilarating! I found out about the steps at a friend’s gathering where a college football player casually mentioned that he has been using the steps to work out his quads. Steps?  Huh?  I asked what he meant, and he explained that these steps were in Culver City, and were a great workout option and a great way to see the whole city in one shot. I was immediately intrigued. I love finding out about new things to do in Los Angeles. I have been stuck in a run lately with just running around laps in my neighborhood, and I know the key to killing boredom when exercising is to switch it up. Yet it was more than that. I am intrigued at finding hidden things to do in the city I call home.

There is so much to do in Los Angeles, but I have been mainly focused on finding places to eat. I think part of the problem with a vast area such as Southern California is that you have to make choices on what you want to focus on (similar to life), but as someone who gets antsy after a few months. I want to break these artificial boundaries of land that I have set for myself. For the first time, this summer I actually made it to the beach more than once. I live in a beautiful area, yet I still have not tried all the things that it has to offer. One day. I want to hit up every restaurant and hiking trail in Cerritos, and Artesia. I see in me a need to connect with the larger picture not just the one I have painted for myself.

I managed to do the steps twice and although my sore calves are still not talking to me. I know that I made a step forward, and at the end that’s all that matters.

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Brownness

Running From Dreams

Sanjay Sabarwal
Eye of the Tiger
Eye of the Tiger (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

6:47am. A beautiful morning. Nothing is chirping, but it feels like it should be. A small chill is already being defeated by the rising sun. I walk out past my gate. I bend forward to stretch the slow ache from yesterday’s workout to no effect. I try to stretch my quads. Same thing. I put on my bluetooth headphones, activate my Nike  running app, and start jogging to the beat of “Eye of the Tiger” from Rocky 4 (my all time favorite Rocky movie).  I see my shadow plodding in front of me.

At first, just the fog of sleeping inherits my soul, but slowly the rhythm of my free run shoes on the very hard concrete begin to seep through. I am doing it! I am jogging (albeit quite slowly), and then it hits me how much I hate running. The entire 3 miles as I jogged/trotted/walked, I hated it. I hated it as if  I was being made to eat Kerele which I hate with as much passion as I hate diet coke. Yet, I keep going. It reminds of my dreams and the things I want to achieve.

Some days it seems so utterly futile to run, pray, walk the dog, practice spanish, journal and do some brain games.  All before I head to work where I figure out how to get us not get sued by the many thousands of reasons small companies get sued in California. I giggle each time I go to an HR seminar because invariably, it will be brought up the New York and California are the most litigious states in the country in terms of wage and hour issues. So I go to my studios, grateful that I still have studios to go to, but it’s never far from me. Is this my dream? Is all that I am trying to do part of a larger plan for me to become what I was born to be?  Over and over. I see my shadow in front of me. I keep running, keep moving forward, wondering if I am running away from my dreams…

7:23am. Back home. Time to walk the dog.  Then pray. then write. No Spanish for me today. Gotta get to work!

 

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Food For Thought, Myself

Demanding Respect

Sanjay Sabarwal
Japji Sahib Wallpaper
Japji Sahib Wallpaper (Photo credit: Gurumustuk Singh)

As I was doing my Japji Sahib today, I couldn’t help thinking about this video that I sent to my dear friends and family.  What is it about doing my prayers that makes me want to do things for others?  Inherently, I seem to review all the things that I could and probably should have done differently.  It sometimes feel as if the words disappear on my Gurbani Anywhere app, and I am reading and thinking of all that has transpired in my life the last few days. It strikes me as almost disrespectful that I am a thousand miles away as I pray.  Yet the thoughts keep coming, and I have to work on ensuring that I am present as I pray.  It occurs to me that praying and meditating are the only times I am by myself and Him, and I this is my way of connecting with the one above.

It struck me as telling  that I forwarded the video to over 2 dozen people and I received only 3 replies so a 2% conversion rate (I am not that great at math so that could be wrong).  I have become that annoying person who constantly puts uplifting messages on his timeline as well as is always sharing wisdom that affects him. I felt a bit helpless this time around because I REALLY wanted the people to watch the video I sent. In it, BK Shivani discusses how we constantly demand respect from others while continually not giving it ourselves.  We always want people to do what we want them to do, which in turn is what everyone else wants so until we begin the process of separating from souls from their thoughts, feelings and actions, we will continue to DISRESPECT them.  We will fail to see the close people around us as emotionally disturbed. We will not see things from their perspective so we will continue to send negative vibrations to them.

These past few days. I managed to spend some quality time with one of my dear friends and his family. It really effected me to see them struggle with each other. They are the most loving people I know, yet their environment has become toxic as each of them demand respect from other. Rather than accepting each other as they were, they were embroiled in a battle to change each other.  And then there are people in my life who will go months not talking to each other because they feel they are both right. What if everyone was right in their own way? What if we, instead of wasting time demanding respect from each other, they accepted everything faults and all. To many of us, this sounds impossible. Yet, it is also that simple. If we just gave up demanding respect, and accepted each other souls with different ways of doing things, we would be so much happier.  Wish us luck! 🙂

On a totally random note, I have become obsessed with this song.