I have to admit, I am more nervous than excited about the Tough Mudder I am about to take on Saturday. We did a dry run of sort two weeks ago, and as one of the last people to come up the hill at the Top of the Mountain Trail, it suddenly it hit me that I am not very athletic. Even in Junior high, I signed up for the Volleyball team, only to spend all my time on the bench except for the one time where the coach made me come in for a play, and I was able to block the spike. So five months of after school practice came down to one play. Then I also joined the track team, where I signed up to do the mile and I consistently came last. I was so slow that the guy who won was one whole lap ahead of me. Then in high school, I joined the wrestling team, and managed to lose every single match. Thank God. I never tried for the basketball team. That’s probably because I can’t dribble and run at the same time. Coordination has never been my strong suit.
So as I walked that final hill, it hit me that really what am I good at is finishing. It won’t be pretty. It definitely won’t be fast, but I will finish. I am going to lumber up and down the 10 miles that the Tough Mudder has laid out for me, but one thing is for sure. I don’t know the word give up very well. I do wish that I am not last. As I told my best friend Jemal, it’s not that I want to be first, I just am a bit tired of being last. Yet he reminded me that a year ago around this time approximately, I had undergone surgery. I concede that point, but part of me doesn’t want that crutch when I know my lack of athleticism well.
I also know I am my own biggest critic. That negative self talk of mine has been back full force. I constantly forget that I began doing this because I didn’t want to be 230 pounds anymore. And really the races are a way to switch things up so I don’t use the excuse of being bored. So as Franklin Covey says, “Keep the End in Mind.” I need to look for the finish line, and not for whose behind me.