Brownness

On Mattering

This past weekend, I missed a good friends 50th in Vegas, and while I felt the FOMO hard as I saw the multiple texts and images, I also felt good in my decision to stay back due to a personal situation that required me to stay close to home. And that missed trip allowed me to go to a local event to another dear friend’s annual event simply called the Kundani Cookout. It’d been a few years since I’d gone, but it was a chance to reconnect with old friends and also make new acquaintances, something I am loath to do as I go into the forced trope of asking “what do you do” or “how do you know xyz” person which guarantees a stilted conversation.

I have never quite managed to be a great networker as I am content to stay in the background, and just blend in or so I thought until the host of the event decided to call me up for his speech and proceed to tell them how I’d influenced him to make a major decision when he was out a bit out of sorts. My first instinct was to shrink away from the attention, but then it hit me that part of growing up is taking in the good with the bad, to allow myself to be acknowledged, to know why he kept inviting me everyone year, has been such a wonderful resource to me in my legal career, to get that he is paying me back not just with words like I did, but action, and it humbled me.

It reminded me that even when we think we are taking small actions, they can have major repercussions in other’s lives, that words matters but more than that, it’s the intention with which they are delivered can have a massive impact. And so this was my lesson for the weekend, and the FOMO disappeared in an instant, and I basked in the realization people remember the good you do to them even if they don’t show it.

It made it clearer that when I despair on whether I am making an impact or not, or being hard on myself for things I didnt get done, I still managed to support others in their dreams and goals, and I will take that as a win any day!

Happy Monday!

Brownness

On Time Passing

Birthdays and anniversaries are a great way to take stock of one’s life. I know for me it becomes apparent that I need to do a life review upon those type of events. Not just milestone anniversaries or big birthdays, but annually because it begs for a moment to reflect where one is at. This past weekend marked our eleventh year anniversary, and while not a milestone by any stretch of the imagination, it definitely gave me a chance to reconnect, reflect, and review on what I have learned in my eleven years. The short answer: I got a ways to go. The other is that more I learn to communicate effectively, the better my chances on reducing misunderstanding, hurt or disagreement.

It’s a lesson I am still learning because what’s clear to me from the outset is not necessarily clear for others. Assuming the person is on the same wavelength is setting myself up to fail (which happens). Not expressing my feelings in a clear way is guaranteeing an argument. Quietly listening but not responding as acknowledgement can make others feel not heard or seen. Not speaking about what’s really going on with me is a recipe for heated disagreement on the the wrong facts.

And so I continue to learn, and hopefully grow. I still remember a line from my MITT training, what am I pretending not to know, and for me, that is that I am communicating clearly when I am more content being silent, and waiting by some miracle to figure things out. Talking it out, no matter how difficult, is the way to get to clarity and so I get to keep working on that.

Yet anniversaries are great reminders that we are plugging along, learning, growing, loving, and facing new things on the horizon.