Month: January 2020

I decided to make this year, the year of the declutter. I figured it would be easy to get rid of papers, clothes and other knick knacks that rolled around my house, but I never considered my books. I have always liked the idea of a library, and have proudly added books as often as weekly. Yet, it hit me that I consistently had a pile of books that I never got to, and then they got moved to my library which then meant instead of the library representing what I had read, it resembled closer to the idea what I was wished to read.

I figured it would be easy, but as I began to sift through the books, I began sorting out which ones I would keep and which ones I would sell or donate.  A simple task became hard simply because I could not let go. For example, my graphic novels I absolutely did not wish to let go of them, but then when I really thought about it, it hit me I couldn’t remember the last time I had open the books up. In fact, a big minority of them were still wrapped up, and I had not given them a second glance in ages. Instead, they sat on those shelves just so I could say I had a great library. But why? What was the point?

And so in a fell swoop, I collected them in three boxes and within 48 hours sold them to a dear friend who wants to impart our love of Comics to his children. To me, that alone is worth doing. Then I packed up all the others. But even then, I still kept some. My collection of Indian authors I had read throughout the years. I hope to give that to my family as part of my legacy. I am quite proud of those books as emboldened me to keep writing as an Indian, but more so as someone who is in love with words still.

I am lighter, but not empty, and for now, thats more than enough. Happy Monday!

With almost two weeks logged into 2020, it feels like the month will be over soon.  I have made a lot of progress in terms of setting up the right accountability measures to feed my vision, but there is a nagging feeling that perhaps I don’t have all the right tools. That feeling has always been there, and it hits me that it shows up in all areas of my life. I am continually looking for ways to be more effective and efficient, but that type of focus also can make my life narrow. It is why I need feedback from others to know if I am on the right path.

One of the things I am proud of is my willingness to listen and act on feedback from my wife, family, mentors, and colleagues. I see that I often have to be a lot more clearer when I explain my vision to others, and a lot of assumptions are either unclear even to me or not making sense to others. When others look at me with confusion or ask me to explain why I want to do things a certain way, it invites me to look at my ideas in a new way. Do I listen and agree with all feedback? Of course not, but when people ask me questions that forces me to be accountable to my proposed goals.

Last year, there were goals that I kept declaring, yet I was unable (or unwilling) to complete them which led my accountability team to ask me if those goals were as important I said that they were to me. Same for tools. My constant search for new tools to support me meant letting go of older ones, but more often than not. I didn’t give them the time and attention needed to make them effective which ultimately defeated my initial purpose: to keep moving forward.

So the word of 2020 is Accountability and that will be my main tool to get me to my goals and vision!

It still feels surreal to write that year down. It reminds me the way I felt when I wrote 1990 (my year of high school graduation), and then 2000 (year I began working at Ziba Music). A thrill of the unknown, of possibility, of transformation. I begin 2020 as a practicing attorney (something Papa always wanted for me), and it feels a bit surreal that I now look forward to going to court rather than dread it. I never imagined that I would WANT to train for a marathon and soon a triathlon. That is not the life I had in mind when I was 18 and 28.

As I near 48, it hits me that much of my life would have sounded foreign to the high school me, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am glad that some parts of me remain. My desire to do better, to write, to keep growing, to be in service, but I also relish that so much of my insecurity and lack of self worth has dissipated (not completely). I never thought I would be in the position to mentor others when I myself relied so heavily on others to get me to this point in my life. Yet, it makes so much sense. To do what others have done for me over the years.

I start this decade looking forward to being unrecognizable to my 48 year old self, and a total stranger to my colleagues when I go for my 30 year high school reunion (God, that makes me feel old) later on this year.  I am blessed and grateful to be able to write these words as I know there are so many not here anymore. And that’s another thing that strikes me. I never understood that with age also comes loss. It’s been a hard lesson, but one I know will continue and one that I will have to accept.

So 2020 here you are, and here I am. Let’s make for a great decade!