Friendship Island

friendship-quotes-16This weekend, I got to spend time with some great friends. The best part? They were unexpected events which made them even better. It cannot be a coincidence as I made a commitment to my accountability buddy that I would make connections with others and not be a social island where only I know what’s going on in my head and heart. It takes intention and goal setting to get to be the person that you wish to be. I also learned that intentions can also be affirmations that once put out there make things happen.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not suggesting magic or some Universe kind of stuff. Just that when we put out concrete intentions, stuff starts to happen. And I learn and relearn this lesson because I don’t remember that it’s so much easier to complain and not do anything about it. It’s nicer to just feel helpless rather than take responsibility.  It sucks to be an adult sometimes because no more can I feel sorry for myself. No longer can I say life is unfair. No more can I be an island because guess what? Only I can choose to be an island. The excuses get to stop. I get to connect. I get to seek support. I get to love and be there for others.

So I continue with intentions to connect, to love, to be there for others, and best of all, let my loved ones know how I feel about them.


Automatic Words

download (1)The words come slowly, but they are there. Each morning for the past two weeks, I sit and struggle over my latest story. It’s a bit unnerving as I don’t know what is going to come next. I literally have no idea until I sit down and type. It’s hard not to keep saying “it sucks” or “this doesn’t make sense” or worse “you don’t know what they you are doing.” But I keep going. At first, the words came slowly, each time I sat there my hands paused over the keyboard with nothing to say except think that I am not a writer, but then slowly the words came out. They weren’t perfect, and I hated most of them, but I kept going. That’s the thing about writing, there is a lot of crap that has come out. Think of it as a mental flushing that has to occur so the shit go can go away and the real gems can come out (pun intended).

More important is just making the words automatic, the habit part of who I am. It is the one thing that I regret. I don’t write enough. I make so many excuses but ultimately it comes down to fear. I get to be automatic so the words can too.



downloadA last-minute road trip to visit our location in Daly City. At first, annoyance. Why me?  But then it hit me, and my excitement grew. I love long drives. That feeling of floating by places and buildings as you get to a new destination. Ok new is an exaggeration, but it has been several years since I have gone up north. Which is sad really since its only 400 miles away, and it hits me that I love travel. Love the excitement of meeting old friends and gaining new experiences.  Yet it has not happened in a while.

The other strange thing is the excitement I feel to be away from all the daily distractions, just listening to music or Ted talks and just cruising. Just thinking, feeling, breaking down what’s been going on. That floating feeling, knowing I know my destination. In the last few years, I have felt lost and wondered where the hell I was headed to. But a road trips allows me that space to know in comfort that there is an end point. Just like life. There is a point to it all. All this from a the simple idea of road trip. Who knew?

Food For Thought, Myself


images (1)I admit that for a few moments last week (ok more than few), I had a difficult time finding reasons to be grateful. Attending a funeral for a friend’s father and watching helplessly as they broke down took an emotional toll. It made me wonder how quickly things can shift. In those moments, nothing else mattered. All the problems I thought I had, faded into noise . They meant nothing. So much of my time wasted on things that really didn’t matter in the long run.

Death is a reminder that we are not here to stay. I believe most of us will never know when we will go. All we have is the present moment. It’s not easy. Too often, I let the negative thoughts in my head take over, and then all I do is worry about the past and future. It’s a tough cycle to break. What good is it to waste so much time on things you cannot control? Yet, I seem hardwired to do it.

It is not a coincidence that a family friend and others started a gratitude chain few weeks ago. It is as if the universe conspired to forcefully remind me to count my blessings, love the ones that are in my life, and connect with all the ones and things that truly matter. It is not easy, but it is also yet another reason to not take myself and my life so seriously. There are more important things to do like take a moment, breath in, and be grateful for what I have.