Month: October 2015

This weekend, I got to spend time with some great friends. The best part? They were unexpected events which made them even better. It cannot be a coincidence as I made a commitment to my accountability buddy that I would make connections with others and not be a social island where only I know what’s going on in my head and heart. It takes intention and goal setting to get to be the person that you wish to be. I also learned that intentions can also be affirmations that once put out there make things happen.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not suggesting magic or some Universe kind of stuff. Just that when we put out concrete intentions, stuff starts to happen. And I learn and relearn this lesson because I don’t remember that it’s so much easier to complain and not do anything about it. It’s nicer to just feel helpless rather than take responsibility.  It sucks to be an adult sometimes because no more can I feel sorry for myself. No longer can I say life is unfair. No more can I be an island because guess what? Only I can choose to be an island. The excuses get to stop. I get to connect. I get to seek support. I get to love and be there for others.

So I continue with intentions to connect, to love, to be there for others, and best of all, let my loved ones know how I feel about them.

The words come slowly, but they are there. Each morning for the past two weeks, I sit and struggle over my latest story. It’s a bit unnerving as I don’t know what is going to come next. I literally have no idea until I sit down and type. It’s hard not to keep saying “it sucks” or “this doesn’t make sense” or worse “you don’t know what they you are doing.” But I keep going. At first, the words came slowly, each time I sat there my hands paused over the keyboard with nothing to say except think that I am not a writer, but then slowly the words came out. They weren’t perfect, and I hated most of them, but I kept going. That’s the thing about writing, there is a lot of crap that has come out. Think of it as a mental flushing that has to occur so the shit go can go away and the real gems can come out (pun intended).

More important is just making the words automatic, the habit part of who I am. It is the one thing that I regret. I don’t write enough. I make so many excuses but ultimately it comes down to fear. I get to be automatic so the words can too.