Month: March 2020

Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration

Back to Basics

Sanjay Sabarwal

The morning quiet. My old friend. I’d almost forgotten the joy I get in those early hours when the sun debates on getting into the sky or remain hidden behind gray clouds. I didn’t remember how the shafts of light penetrate my living room, bathing it in golden hues that brighten up my insides. I open my journal, and do my Morning Pages, meditate, then off to some reading for pleasure, then reading for learning, then writing my learnings, and then finally when the dog begins to bark do I take her for a walk.

What’s changed in all this time is that my morning routine has gotten longer and more satisfying. I could have spent the time looking at social media, but i realize now that barrage of content not only doesn’t inform me, it adds to anxiety and constant worrying and looking at people as carriers of disease rather than possibility. I get the reason for distancing, but not of hardening my heart. I get to stop feeding the feelings that don’t serve me.

Instead, now I read while listening to classical music. I put on a soothing playlist as I clean my place, or cook,. I zoom with family and friends. I practice my craft (being a lawyer).  I go back to the basics for my vision. Because anything else is just fear,and it doesn’t serve me. When I practice being a better me, I can be in service to others, I can be present. I can be compassionate. I get to be open. Every. Single. Day. The rest will take care of itself when I do the basics.

Happy Monday!

Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Abrupt

Sanjay Sabarwal

It’s hard to fathom how much life around me has changed in just a matter of weeks. Only a few weeks ago, i was soaking in the triumph of running my first marathon, only a week later to shut down our company and lay off all our employees (including myself). I could never make that decision, but a true leader in my life made that decision without hesitation because she found it insufferable that an employee or client could get sick on her watch.

It made me wonder if I will ever have the ability to make the truly hardest decisions when it comes down to it. I’d like to think so, but with so much time to think and ponder, I still cannot imagine myself making the same courageous decision. It’s easier to hide behind the words “overreaction” or “its not that bad” and “no one else is shutting down”. Easier to be a follower in a crisis rather than a leader. I realize I allow myself too much comfort in the face of reality because of my own fear.

I realize now that until I let go of my fear and wantings things not to change, I am doomed not to be a better version of myself. Already, this crisis has taught me that my life is not going to be the same as before this crisis. And that is as it should be. No matter how abrupt the change, I can either bemoan it or just accept it and have faith that I am ready for this new chapter in my life.  Covid gave me no choice for the past few weeks, but it doesn’t get to rule my future.

Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

In Flux

Sanjay Sabarwal

It’s a surreal time. That’s the closest I can get to the feelings I am having. In just a matter of days, what seemed like a year to become uncomfortable living my vision has become a difficult year with things I had no considered. From finances to practicing being around people less, it hits me how much of my life I took for granted. And even thought temporary, it’s still is a great reminder of how much I need to make my life simpler so the next time something like this happens (and it will happen), it won’t feel like a major change.

I admit that I am unsettled, and more than a little nervous, but I also have faith that what I have practicing for the past years will now come in handy.  To me, so much extra time means that I get to do things I been wanting to do for a while, but just haven’t had the time. I see opportunity to stretch, to be in service, to get creative so I don’t go stir crazy. But more than anything else, as I am in flux, I get to stay calm and keep others in the same way.

I may not succeed some times, but I also know that I get to bounce back. I get to not let fear, uncertainty rule my world. Just like the marathon, I get to do this step by step.

Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

My Lessons From My First Marathon

Sanjay Sabarwal

Today is day 2 after I ran my first marathon, and I cannot help think about what I did wrong. It’s easy to forget that years ago, running in general was an ideal, and running a marathon not even in the realm of possibility. Easy to be frustrated that I took much longer than I thought, that I didn’t train hard enough, that I didn’t know the course, that I didn’t factor in the long waiting times for the bathroom, that I got there to early, and ate and drank too much in the morning to kill time and calm my nerves.  All valuable lessons. I began this journey by telling myself, one and done. Bucket List item checked, time to move on to the next thing. Yet there is this nagging feeling that I didn’t give it my all.

It’s not me beating myself up, but realizing that there are ways I needed to be prepared better, and until I learn those lessons I am doomed to keep repeating the same errors. How I do one thing is how I do everything. And so what was supposed to be a one time thing has turned into a lesson of what I can do better next time. I admit there are things that I cannot change, namely telling myself that I am not going to win one of these things, but it’s not being on the pedestal that matters to me. What matters is that I gave it my all, and I did all that I could to set myself up to be my best. I know that I made choices in training that didn’t serve me. I needed to run the same time each time, and I also needed to get more long runs in so I could tell what my body needed. I also need to keep the same food and drink that I use during the trainings at the run.

Already, I am planning on doing next year, but maybe that’s also the other thing. Whatever I decide to do it means being clear, being specific, and maybe, just maybe, something I involve others in doing with me. I have become much too comfortable doing things on my own, and I see now I need that external push. Regardless of all this, I am immensely proud of my achievement, and it gives me strength to know that I continue to follow up on my vision no matter the difficulties. Now it’s time to take it one step further.

Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

To Overdoing it

Sanjay Sabarwal

Last week, I managed to do something that I have avoided for almost 6 months while training for the LA Marathon: Almost tens before my run, I managed to hurt myself because of my own ego and pride. That’s the part that stings most. I cannot blame anyone, and I get to take responsibility and really check in with the fact that I needlessly overdid it by working out a second time on the same day, and decided to lift heavy weights even though I’d felt tired. So why? Why did I chance that?

I didn’t want to say no to a friend when asked to join a workout.  I didn’t say I wanted to go lighter because of my back. I didn’t express anything except an enthusiastic yes, while all the while, uncertainty ruled my mind. And so I dove in, and then in round 3 as I picked up the bar, I felt something give in my lower back, and pain ran through my body. And  I have no one to blame but myself.

Now, with the run a few days away, I realize that I get to slow down, to focus on recovery and patience. I get to be okay saying no to working out, and to not working out like a meathead. It is a hard lesson, but one I needed to learn because while I preach moderation, I practiced overkill for this race. It is a painful lesson, but also an opportunity to grow once again. Now I count down, and hope that overdoing is not my undoing.