Month: February 2020

Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

To New Experiences

Sanjay Sabarwal

This past weekend, my wife and I began on our new years resolution to travel more by travelling to Ensenada to go wine tasting. Yet what we didn’t realize that the trip would become so much more. In my quest to say yes to new things, I said yes to going with a group of people I was acquainted with but had spent little connection time except for two of them. For my spouse, it was even less so. With a bit of apprehension, I said yes and as the trip approached, I grew excited to witness and experience the excitement of the 12 others were were joining.

It is not often a trip goes flawless, and that only happens when there is implicit trust in the person or persons who put the event together not only does luck seem to come in, but generosity and kindness as well. I never would have experience Ensenada the way I did with this amazing group of people where we felt we formed a deep bond and affection because each person remained open, curious and full of joy.

Although, on surface, we had gone for just one thing, we ended up experiencing so many other things which made this more than a wine tasting trip. It can be easy to forget that it is possible to do new things with different people and come out the better for it. The past few days just the thoughts about thinking about the trip bring up so much joy, and I know now that I have a special group who will help me form even more amazing experiences in the future.

I joined crossfit to get fitter, but never did I realize that it would give me so much more, including friends who I know I will know for a very long time to come. I never associated fitness with family and found it a cliche, but after this trip, I’d rather be a cliche then just another member working out a gym. Happy Tuesday!

Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Chance, Saying Yes and Compassion

Sanjay Sabarwal

As I approach the end of my training for the LA Marathon, it hits me that, barring any injuries, I will be able to finish the marathon. That was always the goal, and it allows me to take the foot off the gas pedal, and take on other matters. One of the best things about saying yes to new and difficult things has been that the initial fear lasts much less, and in fact, galvanized me to learn and prepare more. It’s funny but taking the time to prepare for the marathon now has seeped into other aspects of my life. In March. I will be doing 3 different legal seminars all because I sought out and said yes to speaking opportunities. The old me would have shunned that. As I attend more things, meet more people, the chances to do different things also increases.

This weekend, I got a chance to spend time with a little one who expresses emotions unconditionally. She only has a few words in her vocabulary but manages to convey her needs and desires effectively.  Turns out a conversation does not have to include a lot of words just feeling.  Taking care of her not only fortified my relationship with her, but also with my wife. Spending time became one of the best valentines gift I could give and receive. It hits me more and more that this is lesson I get to continually learn when I am overly focused on financial growth or material gains. Once the bills are taken care of, everything else is a “I want” rather than a “I need.” Again, it is a lesson I need to keep learning as I grow in other areas of my life. It’s easy to get caught up when stretching since it can be painful, and sometimes I expect the payoff to be in dollars rather than realizing how changed I am.

I also get to keep practicing compassion and understanding when there are those who have a deeper connection with each other than me. I realize now it is not personal. Sometimes, there are people who just like others more. It used to mean that I lacked something, or that I wasn’t good enough. But I now realize that it’s not about me. When I come from responsibility, the best thing I can do when I am connected as deeply is to accept it for what it is, and enjoy the moment, instead of wanting it to be different.  So I start this week with a clean slate, and I look for more things to say yes to.

Brownness

17 & 4

Sanjay Sabarwal

This week I hit the milestone of 17 miles, the most I have ever run, and yet I couldn’t help feeling let down. After  4 hours of nonstop running, the best I could do was 17?!  That’s the problem sometimes with motivation and self-talk. I can overlook how far I have come and get caught up how far I have to go. With each mile that I got done, as I walked the one minute after, I kept thinking that oh crap I will be lucky if I finish the LA marathon in 6 hours (which is now only 4 weeks away.) And it was easy to forget this was a bucket list item.  It doesn’t matter what time I do it in. The goal is to finish,

Now a month away, the LA Marathon seems so close by, and I wonder if I am ready. If my just running outside, doing crossfit, doing recovery and resting my body will matter when I hit the course for the first time. Already, I am worried about getting there on time, and what will I do if the course ends up being more difficult than I imagined.

On and on the thoughts pore on as I ran, and part of me felt despair until it hit me that at 48 I was doing things that my 18 year old self would have never dared. I am pushing my body to do things that I didn’t think possible, and instead of worrying about the race, I needed to prepare as best as I could, and then enjoy it. I have heard that from so many runners, but old habits die hard.

Yet the playlist moves me, the feet keep going, mile after mile, and I know at the end of the day no matter what happens March 8, I have already won over the old Sanjay. And at the end, that’s all that mattered anyway.

Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Change

Sanjay Sabarwal

It’s only when I change something drastically that I begin to notice to things that I used to take for granted. Things that were part of my daily routine fall by the wayside when there are a new set of things to deal with. It can be upsetting, disorienting and makes me want to go back to the status quo.  Yet I also know if I am always comfortable, always know what to expect, always can count on people, things, events and my environment, I am not growing. But I still have to say, change sometimes sucks. But it must in order for me to be a new version. Letting go of the old me takes getting used to, but it is also what got me to do crossfit, go into private practice, attempt to run a marathon, volunteer, mentor others, move to a new place.

Each time, there was a fear that change was just too hard, too much, too many things needed to be done in this new environment, but that is the way to be a new person. Massive change requires massive discomfort.  I have to admit that there are so many times not change feels more appealing, warmer and the cocoon of knowing what to expect allows me to get sharper at things I am practicing. But I also know that I can use that as an excuse to not disrupt my life sometimes. Change for change’s sake used to mean boredom or me avoiding/denying.

But I cannot forget that I survived a stroke and brain surgery, and that I am less family members, and all that just pushes me to be a better version of me. I cannot forget that yes its nice to be able to count on a regulated life, but I also know that regret would drive me crazy if I did not keep pushing myself. I know my father and aunt always assumed the best in me, and each day I live is a blessing that I cannot take for granted.  So I push. I change. I get uncomfortable. But I change. And at the end, that’s all that matters.