July 2015 – Sanjay Sabarwal's Blog

25 Years

July 28, 2015 Sanjay Sabarwal

It’s great to see marriages that long, and you Sumita and Jagdeep, showed a 18-year-old boy what love at first sight meant. Merely 21, Sumita you knew who you would be with for the rest of your life. You love like you do all things in life: fearlessly. Jagdeep, your calm nature and love of Golf carried the day many, many times, but more than that, it’s how you let my sister be free and be the person she wanted to be especially when her whims were all over the place. For that. I am forever grateful. But that’s what Sumita is best at. Enrolling people into her crazy visions because no matter what, her heart is pure. I have never met anyone who through the force of her energy convinced so many people into how she sees the world. It is a gift that I am truly envious of.

Of course, I picked a blog post to do this because standing in front of loved ones, I could not do justice to how much I love you both. Jagdeep, you are a gem and set the bar to be brother-in-law quite high. Through you, not only has my family grown but so has my heart and for that, thank you! Sumita, you often say you are my second mother, and I have to admit you have been there in that way more often than a sister. Both you and Mom allowed me to figure out what it is what I wanted to do even though most of the times I am sure you wondered what the hell I was up to.

So thank you for being in my life, Jagdeep and Sumita. Together, you have created three amazing children that I love like I breath. Enjoy your day. You two created this amazing thing for all of us. Thank you!

Myself

Fear

July 23, 2015 Sanjay Sabarwal

It’s been a strange week. I made some great breakthroughs in an area of my life that’s very important to me while at the same time a streak of procrastination has entered me in that I have yet to go to Crossfit this week. Perhaps it’s the idea that it is closing at the end of month, or perhaps because it just hit me that I will be doing a half marathon obstacle race and a full marathon two weeks apart and thus am frozen. So what’s behind the breakthroughs and the breakdowns? Fear. Always. Which means I get to keep pushing myself to be uncomfortable. I keep going up on the skinny branches, Each time, my stomach or my heart tightens with anxiety, it’s just a signal to keep pushing through. To not just wallow in that fear, but to push it aside and make shit happen.

I am not gonna lie. It is not easy. Sometimes, every single step is filled with dread and second guessing myself, but I keep going. Because more often than not, I am glad I am pushed myself. I get to live on top of the tree rather than under its shadows. Failure is part of the journey, but not the end of it. Because ultimately, I don’t want to say I passed time in this life but actually lived it!

Myself

Acceptance

July 13, 2015July 13, 2015 Sanjay Sabarwal

Another hectic week. More days doing things, attending events, experiencing discomfort but also, more importantly, connecting with others. Not just doing things for the sake of doing, but participating. No more just observing. There were some lost opportunities to speak up, but you know what, it’s OK. No more regretting what could or should have been said. Now it’s about living in the moment, and accepting things as they are.

I admit, it’s not so easy. It’s easy to listen to that negative voice in the head, and whine or complain about how things should be. I could get lost in that tone, and miss out on a friend expressing loneliness. Even though surrounded by dozens, he still feels that he is living a sheltered life. It hit me that we all can feel this way. Sometimes, just getting caught up in the monotony of doing same things over and over can feel exhausted. One wonders what’s the point? Which is why I swore to no longer just do the same thing.

To push myself to be uncomfortable as regularly as possible. To not just accept the ho-hum. To do new things. To keep learning. To love deeper. To not just be silent. To listen not to rebut but to actually be present. Funny, how that word keeps coming up. But its OK. I accept it. 🙂

Brownness

Pain

July 7, 2015 Sanjay Sabarwal

Soreness rules my body. In fact, this year the only time I managed to not to be sore is when I battled a cold for two weeks. This pain is good. It tells me that I am growing. It’s uncomfortable which means I am not content being in a comfort zone. I push myself so I can be a better Sanjay. Last week, I chose to start doing crossfit twice a day and then run hills on Saturday. Why? Because I want to do the Spartan race in which I handle all the obstacles. I am no longer content skipping areas. I am no longer OK with not even trying. I have done that for too long in my life, and the results are that I am not growing in certain areas. By being risk averse, I avoided learning, becoming better at the difficult things in life. Every day, I also struggle with writing. It’s the one thing on my mind after my wife. Both of them, I want to get better at being with. So each morning, I sit and I visualize what I would like to make better in my marriage and writing.

It doesn’t stop there. I do all this not for anyone but for myself. Pain is good. It tells me when I have gone further than what my body can handle. And you know what? That’s OK.