Month: March 2019

It is never easy to be responsible when I am procrastinating or feeling overwhelmed. The last few weeks have been a mishmash of being in service to others, working out, writing, and learning new areas of the law. I feel a bit disoriented, and I wonder sometimes why I find it necessary to juggle so many things at once.

I also just got a client a six figure settlement, and that contentment didn’t last more than a few days.  What if I have come an adrenaline junkie? The idea isn’t far-fetched.  It is also the realization that not many days go by and I don’t think about Papa or Baby Maasi, or Bebo and a dear friend going through her second round of Cancer treatment.

It just feels that part of life that gets you down can really pull you down if you let it. There are days that I do want it to. When I just want to stay in bed, sleep in, snooze, pretend that with my eyes closed, all is well, but I hear the dog’s gentle snore, and I feel the sunlight hit my eyes, and then again I squeeze my eyes and look over to see my beautiful wife, and I am just grateful.

Being responsible is not half bad. Most days. Happy Monday!

Yesterday, we celebrated Papa’s birthday which felt surreal, but in a way, it ended up being a joyful day where we swapped stories about him, and his name came up often. For once, social media made me feel connected as I got to see how others expressed their affection for him.

Papa made so many feel special, and he had an energy about him that was contagious. It made perfect sense that we got to go to an Iranian restaurant to have his favorite food while my only regret became I didn’t eat his favorite, Lamb Shank well because I am vegetarian, but, then again, Papa never was for formality. The result became what he loved most: family time while eating delicious food.

I hate to admit how it can feel overwhelming to share what came up for me when I think about Papa. Not much time goes by when I am reminded about him, and the little habits of his that I am now adopting. It feels bothersome to be a downer or one who speaks about someone in the past, yet when that someone still manages to teach you things while they are gone, then who am I to not honor them.

Papa and I had our special time at Ziba Music, but there also so much time squandered away due to my stubbornness and ego. I can only express gratitude that I realized how much he influenced me, and the great times we did have. Sure, being greedy to have more now just brings ache to my heart.

But then again, his special day now has become mine, and I look forward to more birthdays where we can celebrate him.

Travel with others most always is fun and and a challenge. It hit me that so much of my time in the past got wasted for wanting to move things along and if everyone would just listen and then we would get to the next thing. And then I take a pause, become present in the moment, and take in the fact that right now only this moment matters.

I realize that all of us are unique and have our own wants and needs, but that means taking responsibility for myself, keep myself in check. Wanting things to be a certain way just invites grief and impatience and really just waste times that could be better spent being in gratitude for being able to travel with others.

But, and this is a big but. It’s easy to say to shift perspective, but when habits are there, they are hard to break. It takes time to walk expectations and desires back and just enjoy the vacation instead of wanting others to behave a certain way.  It’s a tough lesson that I struggle with, and I admit some days I fail at it. But then in those glorious moment when I succeed like when I take a walk on a beautiful trail, in the bright, sunny, chilly day. Listening to a customized playlist by a dear friend, I got a chance to reconnect and reset.

I don’t always get it right, but I am learning, and at the end of the day that’s all that matters.