Brownness

Costa Rica

It seems surreal to think that just 48 hours ago, I was near perfect weather, sandy beaches and with some great friends, celebrating the start of the my 50th Birthday. We did the usual: Ziplining, drinking, private chef, amazing house, making fun of each other, all organized by a dear friend who spent multiple hours getting it set even after our original group of 8 people went down to 4. To the point where we considered cancelling then said oh what the hell lets do it anyway, and I have no regrets. Well almost no regrets. Although I deeply wished the entire group had gone,. I also wished I had left my ego at home.

On the last day, we decided to go ATV riding and even though I had never gone, never driven a motorcycle, had no idea of the dangers when inexperienced, I decided to go. Thankfully, my friend rode behind me who got increasingly concerned as the ride up the mountain continued. He coached me to slow down, and instead of me admitting that I wasn’t cut out for this I nodded and then kept going and after a few minutes managed to hit an embankment that flipped the ATV over onto me, dislocating my shoulder.

The agony of being driven down the mountain felt like hours when it was probably closer to 30 minutes and then heading to a clinic to get it popped it back in was intensely even more painful and something I would not recommend. Even in that moment, I knew that I was out from Crossfit and physical exercise for a while, and it hit me that my choices brought me here. I had no one to blame.

And so I hobble around with some great memories and not so great ones, but I also know that this is the beginning of a helluva year, and I’ll be damned if I am gonna let a minor silly thing like this derail me as a person. I got a trip I never forget, and I also get the chance to focus on recovery and healing and get back to where I was. This was a minor slip not a great fall. It all comes down to my attitude and actions.

Looking forward to what else 2022 has to bring!

Brownness

An Inability to See the Other Side

The other day, someone asked me if I was a Anti-vaxxer because of a video I forwarded to them. I was flabbergasted. Aside from being full vaccinated, it felt that no longer can there be any questioning to the current narrative. It made me want to explain that I work out 5 days a week, reduced alcohol consumptions, increased supplementation, focused on being outdoors, but it felt once the word grenade was launched, there was nothing I could say to change their position. Even wondering how this all started is no longer something to be considered. But I am tired of the fear,tired of seeing so many struggle to cope, to not be with others, or see new places or scenarios. Tired of listening to others judgments for why people aren’t vaccinated or questioning the mandates. The increasing amounts of boosters, and one can no longer wonder, is there something more I can do than just take shots or is that the end game?

At what point do we learn to make it work in our daily lives, or to have a discussion that makes us curious about the side? When did it become okay to silence the questions or those who do not believe the narrative that this is the only way? I am VERY aware of what camp this puts me in even though I am complying. My frustration comes from something person as a recent friends trip got caused half the group to drop off out of concerns. I don’t blame them, but it drives home the question can we do anything different or just hide, be inside, avoid others even when the symptoms appear to be mild.

When do we become open to having conversations rather than debates or allowing each other the kindness to think and feel differently? To give the courtesy of listening and being heard. I don’t pretend to be a scientist, but I also no longer get information from one source, person or narrative. It’s okay to question. I am not advocating denial or conspiracy, but a healthy skepticism. To come to terms with your own decisions based on your own thinking not what others want you to.

Brownness

2022

I love the smell of the new year, new possibilities, new experiences, new learnings, lots of ways to either grow or remain in the status quo. More and more I realize that much of my life is under my control in the way that I respond it. Sure, unexpected events such as loss of life, friends, family, work crisis’s, failing at work outs are going to happen as they did last year, the real difference will be how I respond to it, how I either let the situation control me or I control my actions and emotions.

The thing with change is that one never knows what is going to happen, I mean, if we did, it wouldn’t be much of a change unless we just freeze and fail to act. So back to the new smell of a new year. One with a milestone for me that makes me a tad nervous as I hit the big 5-0, but then again I felt similar when I was 40, 30, and even 21. Each time I felt like I am reached a level no one could relate to when really we all feel old at some point.

The real question for me is what am I going to do about it. Well. I am gonna do things that scare the shit out of me, I am gonna try new places, new experiences with my wife and loved ones. I am gonna keep running until my knees can’t and then I will run some more because dammit I can rest when I am dead. You are only as old as you feel, and the strange part is that I feel younger than before.

And so I am rushing into this year. Give me what you got 2022, I am ready for you!