Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Monday Morning Remembrance

Today, as I went down to get my coffee, I couldn’t help thinking about my family dog Bebo would usually waiting for me to wake up so I could let her in. Papa did that duty when he was alive and now both are gone. An emotional start for the day for sure, yet there always was  quiet calmness in me. I felt their presence, and instead of being lost in feeling sad or wanting them back, it just became a moment of gratitude for how much time I had with them both.

And then of course, my aunt came up who never missed out on any reason to come along and connect, and her always smiling face came to mind. So I took in the morning, and counted my blessings for what I did have not what I had lost. For once, no tears just a sweet yearning and remembering snippets of time that I’d gotten to spend with each of them. It hit me that time is the only commodity that mattered, and how I used it determined the kind of life I would lead.

And it hits me that in this morning quiet, a yearning to look ahead and keep reaching out for things because I have and had so many loved ones who support and believe in me. And so I begin this Monday not only with glad for what I had, but excitement at what is to come. I miss them, but remind myself not to wallow. I want to do great things but also need balance. I know I need to move forward but not be scattershot. And so I take a moment. Breathe. And start another week.

Happy Monday!

Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Back to Basics

It can be difficult to take self analyze certain emotional situations especially when dealing with loved ones. More and more I realize that I am blessed to be surrounded by so many who love me and who I love in return.

I see that when I forget the basics of connection, seeking or offering support, or making time to things that bring joy, I feel a certain emptiness, a guilt that somehow life is passing me by.

And then there are confirmations in a way you don’t want to happen, and it becomes clear that taking intimacy, and loved ones for granted is a recipe for feeling disconnected and alone. And so it is with the law. Each time I get a new client, it is a reminder that if people had taken care of the basics, they would not need my services.

So I use today to remind myself and others to be kind, be patient, be loving, reach out to others, stop feeling sorry for yourself, but most of all remain open to the possibility of what life offers up. It’s usually not pretty, but it ends up providing lesson that you need even when you don’t want them.

Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Alone in the Woods

There are moments in my life where the silence is the only partner I have. In that part of the woods, emotions crash onto my brain, and I realize that it takes my every breath and thought to not be engulfed in despair. So I end each night tired, lost, and just a bit more broken.

But then daylight. The box, the meditation, the writing, the connection with a loved one, the legal, the speaking to with my best friend, the warm touch of my wife, mother and perhaps my family and the pain recedes just a tiny bit. But if I give myself space, images of the ones lost come to me, and so I run and deny and keep busy and keep moving just so I am not so focused on their long gone smiles and the warmth they provided.

I know it’s life. I know I am not unique. I know. I know. I know. But the pain doesn’t stop. And the silence gets deeper. The woods get darker. Yet I keep marching on, knowing somewhere, at some point, there will be a day break. And I won’t be alone. Or quiet. Till then I keep marching on.

 

Family, Myself

Happy Birthday Papa

It’s strange to be in his house and not hear his voice or silliness fill the space around us. I also know that spending the day in sadness is not something he would stand for so I will focus instead on celebrating how he lived his life: full of joy, energy and silliness.

I admit it’s not always easy to pretend that it doesn’t hurt that he isn’t here, but spending every moment bemoaning that fact not only dishonors his memory, it neglects the fact that he lived a full life.

The past few days have been hard for me as I stayed home in bed due to the flu, and I just felt him everywhere. Yet it’s also been a great reminder of how much of a legacy he left. So today I celebrate as best I can, and remind myself that I was blessed for how long I had him in my life for, and I get accept it in gratitude.

Happy Birthday, Papa. Sanjay Misses You.

Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Birthday Thoughts

I love the morning quiet. Especially one start starts with a birthday. It gives me time to reflect and it helps that it is in the first month of the year. As each year passes, I become more aware of how blessed I am with the life given to be me. It motivates me to not waste time complaining about what I don’t have.

As I slowly recover from my jet lag, I am still struck by the amazing trip to India, and how well we were treated by family. More and more I fall in love with a country I made fun of at one point or another in my life. Sure, it has its limitations, but when there are people who genuinely make you feel care about, all the negativity falls away. I never thought I would think of going to India as a good time, yet already I am missing it since being back on Thursday.

With each birthday, I see more possibility and realization that constant change is life.  I not only get physically older but also am reminded that each new day is a gift to do either tasks or to live a life of possibility. There is no right or wrong way, but I am determined to spend less of it in regret and more of it in appreciation. Here’s to another year done, and more to come.

Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Leaving 2017 for 2018

As I sit here in India in the morning quiet, I think about what it is that I wish from 2018.  A lot of the resolutions I began and continued. I am proud of all that I accomplished, yet there is a deep hunger inside me that tells me there is so much more I can do. I want to continue being uncomfortable, continue doing things I never did before, continue my vision to be a published author, a successful law firm, and finally get to the bane of my fitness existence; the pull up.

I love the new year because it is a reminder that as with all ends, there is always a beginning, a change to do over or commit to new chapters in my life. There is so much to do, but it is not just for the sake of doing but to leave a legacy, to leave the place better than I found it.

As I left 2017, surrounded by some family, my thoughts went to my dad and aunt, and excitement at seeing my family in India very soon. It is fitting that I am in a country that gives me so much joy, feels familiar and unfamiliar at the same time, and reminds me of my history. I am reminded of my blessings, and I am full of gratitude for all that I have in my life. I leave 2017 sadder but stronger, and I begin 2018 with hope and gratitude.

Happy Monday and 2018 all!