Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Alone in the Woods

There are moments in my life where the silence is the only partner I have. In that part of the woods, emotions crash onto my brain, and I realize that it takes my every breath and thought to not be engulfed in despair. So I end each night tired, lost, and just a bit more broken.

But then daylight. The box, the meditation, the writing, the connection with a loved one, the legal, the speaking to with my best friend, the warm touch of my wife, mother and perhaps my family and the pain recedes just a tiny bit. But if I give myself space, images of the ones lost come to me, and so I run and deny and keep busy and keep moving just so I am not so focused on their long gone smiles and the warmth they provided.

I know it’s life. I know I am not unique. I know. I know. I know. But the pain doesn’t stop. And the silence gets deeper. The woods get darker. Yet I keep marching on, knowing somewhere, at some point, there will be a day break. And I won’t be alone. Or quiet. Till then I keep marching on.

 

Family, Myself

Happy Birthday Papa

It’s strange to be in his house and not hear his voice or silliness fill the space around us. I also know that spending the day in sadness is not something he would stand for so I will focus instead on celebrating how he lived his life: full of joy, energy and silliness.

I admit it’s not always easy to pretend that it doesn’t hurt that he isn’t here, but spending every moment bemoaning that fact not only dishonors his memory, it neglects the fact that he lived a full life.

The past few days have been hard for me as I stayed home in bed due to the flu, and I just felt him everywhere. Yet it’s also been a great reminder of how much of a legacy he left. So today I celebrate as best I can, and remind myself that I was blessed for how long I had him in my life for, and I get accept it in gratitude.

Happy Birthday, Papa. Sanjay Misses You.

Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Birthday Thoughts

I love the morning quiet. Especially one start starts with a birthday. It gives me time to reflect and it helps that it is in the first month of the year. As each year passes, I become more aware of how blessed I am with the life given to be me. It motivates me to not waste time complaining about what I don’t have.

As I slowly recover from my jet lag, I am still struck by the amazing trip to India, and how well we were treated by family. More and more I fall in love with a country I made fun of at one point or another in my life. Sure, it has its limitations, but when there are people who genuinely make you feel care about, all the negativity falls away. I never thought I would think of going to India as a good time, yet already I am missing it since being back on Thursday.

With each birthday, I see more possibility and realization that constant change is life.  I not only get physically older but also am reminded that each new day is a gift to do either tasks or to live a life of possibility. There is no right or wrong way, but I am determined to spend less of it in regret and more of it in appreciation. Here’s to another year done, and more to come.

Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Leaving 2017 for 2018

As I sit here in India in the morning quiet, I think about what it is that I wish from 2018.  A lot of the resolutions I began and continued. I am proud of all that I accomplished, yet there is a deep hunger inside me that tells me there is so much more I can do. I want to continue being uncomfortable, continue doing things I never did before, continue my vision to be a published author, a successful law firm, and finally get to the bane of my fitness existence; the pull up.

I love the new year because it is a reminder that as with all ends, there is always a beginning, a change to do over or commit to new chapters in my life. There is so much to do, but it is not just for the sake of doing but to leave a legacy, to leave the place better than I found it.

As I left 2017, surrounded by some family, my thoughts went to my dad and aunt, and excitement at seeing my family in India very soon. It is fitting that I am in a country that gives me so much joy, feels familiar and unfamiliar at the same time, and reminds me of my history. I am reminded of my blessings, and I am full of gratitude for all that I have in my life. I leave 2017 sadder but stronger, and I begin 2018 with hope and gratitude.

Happy Monday and 2018 all!

Family, Inpsiration

Essential Time

Yesterday, we laughed so much our stomachs hurts, and it was just family. It is times like these that continually remind how blessed I am to have the family that I do. It is not strange to me to always invite my cousins to any event we are going to, and that most of us count each other as great friends. This week, I am excited to end (most) of the month with one of my favorite cousins and his family while we prepare to end the year in India and begin 2018 there as well.

More and more, it has become clear to me that it is essential to have recharge buttons set up in life that remind me of why it matters to do what I do. It is way to wallow in self-pity, frustration, and grief. But if done right, there are moments like yesterday when all you do is laugh and feel comforted by being surrounded by people who truly love you.

Happy Monday!

Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Stretching My Mind With Gratitude

This weekend, I got a chance to go to two holiday parties, a brunch with my old leadership group and then ended the night with family time with my cousins. It was a great reminder that when I open myself up to new experiences, new relationships form, and older ones get stronger. I joined BNI out of a fear of public speaking and networking and my crossfit gym because of my fear of free weights. Thanks to the Legacy Program of MITT, I got a chance to reunited with my old friends, and it energized me to do more for 2018!

The previous week I attended my writer’s critique group holiday party where it re-energized my commitment to continue writing and begin submitting my work to contests. I realize now that it takes work to be part of so many things, but they all serve me in so many ways. I got a chance to volunteer much more than previous years, and I am grateful that I have adopted the attitude of getting comfortable being uncomfortable.

I want to live a life of transformation and giving back. I want intimate time with loved ones, but most of all I want to live a life of my creation that is not filled with regret, doubt and resentment.  Yes, there are rough days. Days when I don’t feel like getting out of bed, or even facing my fears. But it is on those days when I get up that I am better for it. Failure is an option, but it doesn’t have to be the default choice.

Happy Monday!