Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Stretching My Mind With Gratitude

This weekend, I got a chance to go to two holiday parties, a brunch with my old leadership group and then ended the night with family time with my cousins. It was a great reminder that when I open myself up to new experiences, new relationships form, and older ones get stronger. I joined BNI out of a fear of public speaking and networking and my crossfit gym because of my fear of free weights. Thanks to the Legacy Program of MITT, I got a chance to reunited with my old friends, and it energized me to do more for 2018!

The previous week I attended my writer’s critique group holiday party where it re-energized my commitment to continue writing and begin submitting my work to contests. I realize now that it takes work to be part of so many things, but they all serve me in so many ways. I got a chance to volunteer much more than previous years, and I am grateful that I have adopted the attitude of getting comfortable being uncomfortable.

I want to live a life of transformation and giving back. I want intimate time with loved ones, but most of all I want to live a life of my creation that is not filled with regret, doubt and resentment.  Yes, there are rough days. Days when I don’t feel like getting out of bed, or even facing my fears. But it is on those days when I get up that I am better for it. Failure is an option, but it doesn’t have to be the default choice.

Happy Monday!

Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Last Month of 2017

It’s so strange to think that in a few short weeks, 2017 will be in the history books.  I spent some time thinking of what worked and what didn’t, and how some things happened that I never could have imagined. In some ways, it will be impossible to not think of 2017 as we lost my aunt who spread so much joy and sunshine when she came in. It is easy to wallow in grief, yet neither my father and her would stand for it.

I looked at my declarations, and I have to say I got better in some ways, but not so much in others. Which just tells me that I get to work not harder but smarter. Too often, it’s easy to give reasons why something didn’t happen, but more often than not, it came down to choices. I chose fear and avoidance when being present and calm would have served me better. I chose procrastination when action was the way to go. I chose avoidance and denial when confrontation and discussion would have moved things along. Yet while the negative stays close at hand, I am much happier in my positive efforts.

I gave of myself till it hurt. I stretched myself in ways I never imagine. I did uncomfortable things to move my vision along. I acknowledged when I did not follow through. I got better at some things, and not at others. And you know what, it’s okay. It’s okay. It gives me reason to look forward to ending 2017 on a strong note and beginning 2018 with purpose and passion!

Happy Monday.

 

Food For Thought, Inpsiration

Resistance is Futile

It’s funny how time changes perspective, but it’s not just time, but also shifting out of my shit. When I actually step back and see how  much I resist something that is good for me, good things begin to happen. Part of my resistance to change is that I have many things I have taken on, and I wish to ensure I can still do them. It hit me that those are all choices, and if I still choose them I just get to do them in a different matter or at a different time. When I shifted, suddenly things got easier. The pressure on my chest eased, and then I wonder what the hell was I fighting so hard for anyway.

It hits me that as I stretch and become comfortable being uncomfortable, change is inevitable and resistance is futile. Life will be never the same as always especially when I want to live a life of vision and transformation. So I go back to acceptance, and I realize I have a strong team around me that won’t let me fall no matter how much I fight them because they seem in my greatness when I am wallowing in my shittiness.

Happy Monday.

P.S: I Love You. You know who you all are!

Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Alone and Ornery

The past few weeks have not been easy, but worst of all, they have made me feel the most alone in a long time. It’s hard to explain how much fortitude it takes not to snap or be judgemental, yet I still manage to do it. Each morning, it feels pointless to do the things that I am doing to get a grip on my life and my feelings. Yet I do them on faith alone. It’s been hard to wake up to do my morning routine. Hard to do all the things I do to keep myself grounded and calm as things and people change in my life. It’s been a struggle not to react to ever-changing aspects of my life, but most of all, it’s been hard not to miss my dad and aunt.

I want it to get easier. I almost wish time would heal, but there are days the wound is as raw as the first day, and I break down at strange times.  Heading to the gym while listening to Rocky 4, or heading to do errands and suddenly choking up. It still surprises me how deeply it hurts. And then there are interactions with others where I vehemently disagree with their reasoning yet I still do as I am requested. And it takes me down a deeper rabbit hole of pain.

And finally, it’s just dealing with people because you love others and want to make them happy, but being around their friends or significant others just makes me feel alone and ornery. I do it reluctantly, but I also wonder at what cost to my heart and soul. So I withdraw, get quieter, lose myself in my routines. but it just hurts.

It hurts deep, and it hurts hard, and makes me feel alone and ornery.

I

Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Negativity Bubble

The past few days have been  struggle. I see something in myself that I don’t like: negativity and self-doubt. Lately, it is never easy to tell when I am being cautious, prudent or just being an asshole. I feel as if I am fighting unstoppable forces and it’s made me incredibly sad. I look for relief in my morning routine, meditation, writing and talking to others just so I can be sure what I am saying or fighting isn’t me being just scared. But I still cannot tell. And it hurts, and makes me doubt if I am just being a roadblock, and then I just want to give in and not be this negative force. There is a part of me that is sure that I am right, but another part that says what if I am not?

So I take moments to shift, to see the other side, and take a breath. To remain calm, and not just react. And then I surrender because, at worst, it may just be a wrong decision, but I won’t die, nothing will get broken, and all that will be wasted is my energy and time. Sometimes resisting is not the best way to cope with strategy or new directions.

So I begin with this week with acceptance, being calm and present, and allow life to take me on this journey. I look forward to finding ways to be in contribution.

Happy Monday!

Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

The End is Near

So strange to think it is October 30th, 2017. Just two months left in this year, and I cannot help but look at my resolutions. I managed to do something in each of the categories I set for myself. There were some that I didn’t even come close to, but I made progress.  The great thing about shooting for the stars is that I still managed to go further than at the beginning of the year.

From losing 35 pounds to speaking at a high school, there were things I was just uncomfortable doing but I got comfortable doing them. If I am not growing, I am shrinking. Yet there is a part of me still fearful of some things on my list. There are some aching reminders of the ones gone who meant so much, and I just hope they know what a big part they played in my life.

Daily, I wonder if I spent quality time doing the times that I care about the most which is intimate time with my wife and loved ones. Did I do something about my personal vision for myself? Did I use my day as I would if it was the last day of my life. Those are my motivations. I progress as if the end is near. Living any other way means complacency and an uninspired life, and I will be damned if I live that way.

Happy Monday!