Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Stretching Myself

I am still sore from my 6am crossfit work out today, yet more than anything else, I know now that the way to move forward is to keep pushing, stretching, being uncomfortable.  It’s not just exercise, I am determined to keep pushing in all areas of my life. Because more than anything else I have a bigger vision for my life than just work a 9 to 5 and watch hours of television as the basis of my entertainment.

Each day is a reminder that so much can be done in 24 hours, sometimes I allow fear and indecisiveness win those hours where I am not pushing myself to the edge. I settle to do the average or what’s expected, and while there is a time and place for it, it is not every day. I don’t want my days to look-alike. I don’t want to ever wonder what if? I don’t want to have more days sleeping in rather than jumping out of bed and live a day of passions.

So I get to keep pushing, stretching, growing with the ideas, even at my worst idea is still better than lying in bed watching hour of channel surfing or scrolling mindlessly through my social media. What will you be doing?

Happy Monday!

Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

A Heavy May

It’s so strange to think I am already in May. 2018 looks to be a year of pushing myself in so many ways, yet I also cannot help the tinge of sadness in my thought and actions. The ache of missing loved ones no longer here not only pushes me forward to be a better version of myself, it is a constant reminder of failing to be present around them more often. I cannot help the guilt of not taking extra time to just take them in, and although I was blessed to have a lot of time with them, there is still regret because I could have had so much more.

In my quest to push myself, I forgot the reason why I wanted to be the best version of myself. It wasn’t for material gains or to make myself look good in front of others, but to truly live a life worth living. Too late, I found out that also meant that it’s not always about the tasks at hand, or my vision, but by just being here, now, in this moment. Instead, there are days I jump around from one things to another and while that’s not a bad thing, it can lead to distraction and not being there for others.

It can also lead to a lonely time when there is so much I want to get done, and there are months like May where there are so many things to do in all areas of my life, and I feel stretched, sometimes so much so that it feels I could snap.

So I take a breath, and remember the ones not here who provided so much love, inspiration and guidance, and I grieve, and then I know I am grateful for the time I did have.

Happy Monday.

Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

A Blurry Life

It’s hard to believe its Monday again and I am back at work doing both my jobs, one as a lawyer and one as a co-owner of Ziba Beauty. It makes for blurry time as I stretch myself in my legal practice, and step my efforts to learn all aspects of my actual running business. Then there is the aching need to connect with loved ones, to spend time in a meaningful way than check off a to do list, be healthy, get stronger, write more, be in service to others, be present, and the list goes on and on, and days, months turn into a blurry whirlpool of wondering what’s it all for, and it hits me clearly because not moving means, you are falling.

So I wake up, and I get up and as much as there are times I just want to go back into the warmth of the bed, something inside me won’t let me. Don’t get me wrong, there are some days I give in, but more often than not, I wake up to handle what I want to create for my life vision. And so I keep going, because I don’t want to live a normal life. I want to live a life worth being proud of when I am on my death-bed.

Happy Monday

Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Soul Gaps

It hit me that when I let go of some aspects of my routine in life, after a while there are consequences. For example, when I do not meditate consistently or do my community service or not engaged in a meaningful way with my loved ones, a certain ache develops inside me. A small hole that gets bigger, and from being annoyed to childish irritation, suddenly it turns into aching soulful hurt. And then I get to take a step back and re-asses what’s going on inside me.

I have to tell you, with the amount of things I have chosen to involve myself, it’s become easier to lose the routine which is not a good thing because when my emotional foundation is not strong, everything else falls apart. Lately, I have felt immense grief about my aunt, dad and a feeling of being overwhelmed at both my job. It was easy to feel sorry for myself, but I know it serves no purpose except to make myself into a victim.

So new moment. I am what I consume and when I take in negativity, self-doubt and pity that’s who I reflect out as my reality which creates gaps in my life. So today, now, at this time, new moment.

Happy Friday!

Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Soulful Suffering

Last week, I began saying affirmations as often as I remember. The main one being “I am a peaceful soul.”  Yes more often than not I was at war with my emotions. From irritation and anger, to grief and self-pity, it felt as if the affirmation awoke parts of me that I had been unaware of. Then it hit me how much I judgement I sat all day long, and as  I did the affirmation it highlighted how much of a problem my negative thinking created in my life.

It didn’t help that it was a rough week as I missed my aunt and dad, and it was hard to continue saying I am a peaceful soul when I felt anything but peaceful. Yet I also knew that my rationalizing my constant judgement about others and my emotions were not helping, in fact, were making my days a lot harder than they needed to be.

There were some wins, moments I was proud of myself, ways I could be in contribution to others, and it hit me that kind of work took time. Transformation and negative self talk did not just go away.  I also was fighting a river of negativity and judgement with a few dribbles of positive affirmations, but still it starts with one drop. So I keep working on myself, with the end in mind.

Happy Monday!

Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Stretching Myself

It’s been a hectic few weeks, and it hit me that the pace is picking up. I feel stretched in all areas of my life, and what once felt overwhelming now is a reminder how far I have to go.  There are days I don’t want to wake up at 5:30 to do through my morning routines, days when I ask myself no one will care if I don’t do all that I set out to do yet, but there is that niggling voice in my head anyway.

Each day, there is a sense of urgency, and I also keep meeting new people who inspire me to be the best version of myself.  I don’t always succeed, in fact more often than not, I fail. Yet with each fall, I see another way to get back up. It’s not easy, and if  I am honest, there are way more days when I just want to quit.

But I get back up. I learn. I grow. I meet others, and I get inspired.  I am convinced that without growth, my ideas and energy will go stale. So I keep listening to the Rocky 4 soundtrack, and I keep at it. Happy Sunday!