This past weekend, we did one of our first nights out as adults without Zyan. Yet even prior to that, it’d become obvious that we needed to make adjustments as a couple. As someone extremely task oriented and driven to accountability, I tend to get married to my schedule, and not be as open to sudden changes. While being so focused supports in my work, it has become a hindrance as we navigate our lives with our 5 month old. I get to learn to check in, to be open to changes in my scheduling to offering support, to taking off the afternoon to take over as Zyan fights daytime naps, and insists of constant attention. That can drain a person when even the naps are short lived.
Slowly ( I mean very slowly), I now see that in order to be a good partner and as someone who works remotely. I have plenty of chances to step, to play Papa, to allow my wife some breathing room. I get to use my strength in focus and tasks to incorporate parenthood into my daily schedule. I can no longer always just be the morning and evening weekday papa. This requires communication, calendaring, and commitment. It means putting aside assumptions, sharing what matters most on certain days because my work and health tasks cannot always be a priority when they are not discussed with my wife.
When I assume, I make an ass out of you and me. It is a lesson I keep running into, and I am determined to use accountability the engine to push me forward (ergo this post.). Also, this weekend allowed us time to seek support from family to take care of Zyan (which they did happily) while we took off the night to spend time with friends and actually sleep in. Even while we were out, missing Zyan was the norm, but it underscored that we get to keep adulting if we are to the best versions of ourselves to each other and to our son.
It is a sobering lesson, and one that I aim to do better at.
Happy Monday!
Sanjay Sabarwal's Blog 