Each morning, I sit on my desk and hand write three pages of whatever thoughts come to my mind. My brain feels like it’s on a dimmer that gets brighter with each word put on the page. At first, I repeat the same things over and over and the tasks for the day, and then sometimes write that nothing comes to mind, yet my hand keeps moving forward as if excavating my mind, and then little nuggets begin to fall out. It’s slow going work, and I admit some days I just want to stop and not write the three pages.
My hand aches from the exertion. I type most of the time as my handwriting is atrocious, yet I force myself to use the pen to connect with the paper. It feels more real as if I am making real what is going on to the page. Yet also what gets released are my doubts and wonderment if I am doing all that I can do in this life of mine.
And so word by word, page by page, morning by morning I keep filling up in the pages with hope, despair, desire, mantras, and random thoughts. Each of those filled out pages become vassals of my thoughts and feelings. Each time I near the end of the three pages, my hand feels lighter, my thoughts quicker and cleaner, and I close the book with the realization that as long I have the Growth mindset, I can keep moving forward, keep learning and know that doing the work ensures I get to the destination even when it feels I am stuck in self-doubt and insecurity.
And so I do the morning pages. I do my reading. I walk the dog. I wait for inspiration. I continue on a path of discovery, knowing no matter what I am richer for it. Even if some days I have nothing to show for it.