Family, Myself

First Post of 2015 and resolutions

New-year's-resolutionsStill seems strange to say that. We are in the future, yet in some ways it just feels like another mundane monday.  On this 19th day of the new year, I am sure some have already given up or others are going forward. I made some resolutions, and while I am holding strong on some, there are others that I have not started on yet. I promised myself a year of giving more, improving my handwriting, being more present in the important relationships in my life, and a few others. Some resolutions remained the same: Keep working out (now on to 6th week of crossfit), keep writing (editing my novel), keep my loved ones close (succeeded at some and failing at others).  The theme in all of these resolutions is to be a better me. Will I fail?absolutely. Have I failed? You betcha.  But will I give up? Hell fucking no. Each is a lesson that there is a better Sanjay out there. There are times I fail to see it, and other times others remind me. I am surrounded by people who will not let me wallow in grief or be less than the person they know I can be. It can be empowering, but also intimidating.  It can sometimes feel overwhelming, to the point I wonder sometimes what others see in me. Yet with each fall, I get back up (cue Rocky Music).

I write this in my writing room, made possible by the beliefs of others. My wife, for actually providing all the tools to make it a writing room, my family for allowing me to get to know words, and my friends for reading them. It’s a humbling feeling to  have so many who help me move forward even when I stumble constantly. I do wish I fell less, and it’s why these resolutions have become more and more important. I am no longer content just going going through life, dreaming. I want to make it a real life.

So this year, less talk, more doing. Less material goods, more giving. Less promises, and more achieving. Wish me luck. I am gonna need it. 😉

Journal, Myself

Nanowrimo, Movember, Turkey Trot and Random Thoughts

nano_12_winner_detailIt’s been almost a month since I last blogged. In that time, I managed to write 50,000 words, enough to be considered a winner for Nanowrimo, grow a moustache for Movember and raise almost $600 and completed my first month at crossfit. I also managed to reach my fastest 10K ever (1 hour, 11 minutes and 11 seconds) where at the end I seriously felt like throwing up. For you non math majors. that’s an average of 11 minutes and 27 seconds, nowhere near Hussain Bolt, but for someone like me, a great milestone. Someone marvelled at all the things I am doing, and my first instinct was to tell them about my wife’s patience and secondly about Zen Habits, the Sea Change Program, but then it also hit me. It is my unwillingness to just be comfortable. I mean what’s the point if I am not growing, not learning, not doing something with my time, energy and money? Don’t get me wrong, I am also constantly failing, and as Leo says that’s part of habits. That’s part of life, the learning process. If we don’t fall down, how else can we learn to get back up.

Are there days I feel lazy? All the freaking time.

Do I give up?  More often than I care to admit.

Do I struggle at working out?  I have to finish a crossfit class where I actually got through the Workout of the Day.

So these past four days, I just slept in and rested and just did nothing. And as much as I felt recharged, I also felt anxious. I am not content. The next step is getting that first novel draft edited, do some charitable work that allows me to use my talents (if I have any) to help others, and get my weight down to the ideal of 210 pounds. Also, all along to spend time with my wife that is meaningful and lets her know that she means the world to me.  I know my ambition and lack of communication are a lethal combination sometimes in how I inform my wife of my goals. I am sure its frustrating for those close to me to not know what’s going on in my head, but trust me it’s all geared towards me being the best me I can be.

Hang on tight, its gonna be a wild ride.

Books, Food For Thought, Journal, Myself

The Old School Life

LifeAnother Monday, the memory of the Jassi Sidhu party and the Spartan run already fading away as well as my cold and the aches and pains that came with it. It’s funny when you are in the thick of things, it all seems to important, so urgent, but when it’s done, it’s just another task.  I am proud of myself for once not getting myself overly anxious about the party or the run. Perhaps it comes with experience or my daily meditation.  But really it comes from the realization all this will pass. That nothing is ever really an emergency. There is absolutely no reason to ponder things that you cannot control. It can be tough not to wonder, I admit.  Yet, more than that it just is accepting that what’s happens is gonna happen no matter how much you stress about it.

I rediscovered reading again. In the past 2 weeks, I have managed to read 3 books already (Think Like A Freak. The Son by Jo Nesbo, The Book Thief), and now starting The Sleep Doctor by Stephen King. I forgot how much I love reading a few pages, and then putting the book down and truly just enjoying the satisfactions one gets from the imagery presented the authors.  It is probably one of the few times that I know I am truly enjoying myself. I am already looking forward to getting a new stack of books. Although I have a Kindle and the first generation Ipad, nothing is quite like holding a book in your hand or putting that CD in.

Yep, I am officially old school. I still buy CDS. I am still buy hard cover books. I still make my own playlists, and download (mostly) legally. I still promote events to people I actually know rather than just bombarding it on social media. It’s funny but what once was cutting edge is now just quaint. A very big eye opener.