As someone who has been on a kick of enjoying each day as it comes, as moments to be enjoyed in the present, today seems especially intent on kicking my ass. Rushing to work to do paperwork for a new hire, I managed to unhire that person in about 5 minutes, received a resignation letter from a new hire), realized that the last 2 short stories that I submitted to my critique group are utter shit, and felt sluggish and fat. for not working out for 7 days (my jeans ripping a huge hole when I sat in my car did not help at all)
For a giant, anxiety choking moment, I felt like a true failure. I berated myself for not doing my job well, for pretending to be a writer, and becoming an obese slob. Oh how I ranted and lashed out at myself for not doing all that I was meant to be, and then I piled on for not doing Anki and Lumosity for severals weeks, and then the moment expanded to 10 minutes of pure self-pity. There was so much I was not doing, and not getting to, or letting it slide by. On and on it went, until I took a deep breath, and said stop. Enough.
A mini meditation for a minute brought me back to the present, to the now. Not to what I was not going but what I was. I was alive, breathing, still married to a beautiful soul, had the luxury of time to sulk, could delete/edit the words, could learn, had amazing friends and people in my life who filled me with such joy and thankfulness that I had to smile at that lousy moment. So instead of it becoming a hellish Monday, it just became a blip of regret. I still had the rest of the day.
And at the end, that’s all that matters.