We all know the cliches, its not goodbye, its see you later or until we meet again, but to the ones facing the loss, these types of words and sentiments are pretty useless. What I found supportive are just friends being around to discuss stories, have quick laughs and crys and then back again to that circle. It is how we keep memories alive of the person, first in the moments then day to day and then that person really never disappears because they are all around you. The worst part is the ones who tell you to be strong or want to know the hows and why, their morbid curiosity more important than their empath in that moment, one that makes me want to shove people out the door.
Yet it is important to remember that the ones that do show up and stick around, they are the ones that matter, the ones who show by just being around that it is okay to fall apart, to cry until the tears run dry but you can’t stop. The reality is that more and more death is around me as I get older and unfortunately now I am becoming more and more comfortable with the etiquette of death, but I truly wish I didnt know, that I was back in the bliss of ignorance but others dont have that luxury any longer.
It is hard to witness the ones who have to bear the loss far longer than you, because we have the choice to leave and let them be with their grief. My only goal when in attendance is not to amplify that sorrow in any way, to just be there, ready to share, hug, listen and just be present and not make it about it in any sort of way. It can be hard to hear others give useless advice when a person is in deep grief, but it hits m that just like my goal is to be presents, theirs could be to just get them to heal faster. The reality, the only thing that will help is remembrance and slow agonizing time to dull the pain which never really goes away. But that’s okay too because saying goodbye to a loved one is never an option.