Brownness

Huh?

Thats the word that fills my brain most of the time Time and again, I miss the cues.  What was a memorable night is now invaded by present thoughs of did I do the right thing? As always I went with my heart but the grumbling inside is disqueting.  I wonder if I am just setting up myself to fail or plain deceive.  That little voice is wrapped around my mind, what did I do?  What can I do?  The hesitation builds up, and the discomfort now a physical apparition.  Or maybe its all in my head.  But the blankness grows in a way I thought I had already conquered.  Am I doomed to repeat my mistakes.  As a closed one reminded me, we swore we would be happy again regardless of the people around us.  And for a while it seemed that I was almost there, but doubt blocks the way to a path that was sparkingly clear in my eyes.

So what to do yaar?  Do I keep stumbling along, and pray that I finally fall upon something soft or do I just stop everything, and fix it one by one.  I cant even keep my thoughts straight, and I am talking about fixing my life.  Maybe thats the joke.  I keep confusing others and myself on here, and my weird life just plods on, oblivious to the reality I want, and uncaring as to my dreams.

All these fancy words just to say HUH?

1 thought on “Huh?”

  1. seriously a “huh” would have explained all that…great elaboration though, don’t get all worked up it will all come to you..as annoying as that sounds it’s only the truth and i’m sure in the past you’ve slapped your forehead and said “oh, duh..now i know why i had to fuck up that one thing or that one time.” There’s always a reason, you and I both know that. IT WILL ALL COME TO YOU. Some people are 145 about to die and still waiting to fall upon something fast, your still young..have a long life ahead of you (with God’s grace) so quit whining YAAR. 🙂

Leave a Reply