Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Decisions

As things begin to open up, and I continue to try to avoid social media and news (not very well), I wonder what decisions I will make in the coming months. I have read so (too) many articles about a new normal, and it makes me wonder what will I do different. There are things that I will keep A calm morning routine where I drink my coffee, do my morning pages, then meditate and walk the dog. The difference is that I do it in front of my bay window, gazing out, soaking in the sun, hearing the flutter of a slight wind. It is not a sight I would get in the apartment work lounge.

A lot has changed in the past few months, not just personally but professionally as I use technology I thought I wouldn’t have much use for (Facetime, Zoom, Hangouts), and I signed up for new services to expand my learning and business. In this quarantine time, I am grateful for my curiosity, for my legs which allow me to run hours at time, for those who always see the best in me. Yet there have been dark times where I wondered about my path, my past decisions, my future.

I am truly blessed in some ways but there are things that I wish I had that others take for granted. There are flaws inside me I fantasize would dissipate one day. Expertise that I could have gotten if I had started on my life path earlier. Yet, I don’t spend too much of my time in regret for that. I do regret some decisions, and I get to work on reversing those. I know I cant change the past but it doesn’t mean I cannot have a different future with new decisions.

Happy Monday!

Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

New Beginnings

It’s always great to witness a loved one experience a new beginning/chapter in their lives. Part of me wants to coach them, tell them all will be okay, give them tips, what to do, what to avoid, so much comes up. Yet the best thing is silence because they are in their experience. That’s a lesson I constantly struggle with. The need to tell others what to do. Sure, it makes sense in a legal sense when I am being hired, but unsolicited advice? Not so much.

I realize that so much of my stuff happened because I had support. There’s a big difference in knowing you have others to rely on and being told how to do. Some coaching works in athletics, but in life, I know that what got me moving forward into new beginnings was the belief and loves of those around me.

I have been truly blessed in the mentors, coaches, parents, wife, friends, family that allow me to dive into the unknown in different areas in my life. But only do I get to see how difficult it is to hold back when someone is doing something you have done, and you think you know better. What worked for me doesn’t mean it will work for them. Now if I am asked, I can offer words, but really jumping in and telling someone how to behave and act is not only not being fair to them, but taking away from their power.

So I end this with blessings, and being available, to not be overbearing, but just present.

Happy Monday

Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Letting Go

This weekend I lived in privilege as I got to watch the unrest, and the media coverage of Covid and now the debate raging about Floyd George. Coming from Orange County where more often not you don’t see many masks on people outside to going to West Hollywood, and seeing everyone in masks was jarring. Then to know that the looting was mere blocks again. But yet we carried on because we weren’t black, weren’t sick and were lucky to be around people who loved each other. So much privilege, and the old me would be grateful but there is now a tinge of guilt, of knowing that not being black means not dealing with shittiness in day to day life.

I am not going to preach, nor am I going to pretend I can relate because I know I cannot. All I can do in this moment is to let go of my opinions, need to talk on social media, to judge others. I just get to be. I get to use this to become a better person, to perhaps transfer some of my privilege to others, to be in service, but not now. Now is the time for expression (whether or not I agree with it or not is irrelevant). It really comes down to what will I learn from sheltering in place? What will I do that will be different after this? I can only control my actions. And so I get to let go and just be and then after this, I get to do better/

Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Connecting More

This past weekend was not usual for many reasons everyone is aware of, but more than that it became about when people around me make a concerted effort to be around loved ones. It hit me that I am truly blessed with multiple people who consistently make efforts to spend connected and quality time with me and others. I take it for granted most times, but on holidays where we give kudos to those who sacrificed so much for us to have this, I had to take it in. Be grateful. Breathe it in, and appreciate my luck. Be present and acknowledge others who sacrificed the ultimate for an ideal.

I may not agree with so many on many issues, but that does not mean I do not get celebrate and appreciate then ones who allow us to have differing opinions. It took me a while to truly not see memorial day just the start of summer, or deals or a great parties, but a day of remembrance for those who selflessly do what I take for granted.  I couldn’t help being around others who also do so much for me and it hit me that these weekends not only mean holidays, but time to celebrate our blessings.

EAch of these holidays is a sort of thanksgiving, and in this time, all of these days now take on special meaning. Instead of complaining being stuck with the same people, I am grateful that I have large families in my life who have made this unusual time more than bearable. I now look forward to days to see what other creative and wonderful ways we will do things together. What we will share, discover, and most importantly, do together.

Happy Tuesday!

Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal, Myself

Conspiracy Theories and UFOs

I have alway been intrigued with people who believe in the alternative. In a way, I always felt like I was in a bubble and didn’t get a chance to experience the unknowable. The last few weeks have been harder than normal as it feels like a firehose of opinions about Covi-19, its origins, and what to do about it. I have been able to not watch too much TV, but haven’t stopped social media, and I realize that when I allow information in, it becomes overwhelming.

It got me thinking that while the ideas of UFOs and conspiracy theories satisfy some part of me, on the whole, they leave me wanting. They don’t fit into my life. That’s not to say I don’t think others aren’t entitled to what they believe. So long as their beliefs don’t require me to do anything, then I get to leave them be. It’s hard not to argue with some anyway, and I realize now that is my own ego.

I am not qualified in any way to qualify or disqualify someone’s belief. Ultimately, I rest in my heart of my own surety. That’s all I can do. The topics intrigue me, but the answers don’t because in my gut I believe they are unknowable. And honestly, I don’t want to do the work to persuade or dissuade someone. It’s become clear to me that the only way I can resolve this is to cut down or eliminate my consumption of social media. There are days it’s easier (when people are mean), and others when I feel like I need to know (when someone posts something thought provoking). The key is to find a balance. I don’t always succeed which is why I am glad it’s called a practice. I just have to keep at reducing the noise.

Happy Monday.

Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Mom

It’s hard for me to write about my mom. My words are just a bunch of letters in regards to her. It’s all I have and it feels futile because she knows. We have what they call an asymmetric relationship.  She has given way more things, experiences, unconditional love, food, comfort than I can ever possibly return. Yet I also know she wouldn’t expect anything, and to her, her natural state is to give. I don’t think I remember a time when she didn’t comfort me or offer something to make my life better.

It makes for a hard post when it hits me what unconditional looks like in real life. I can’t help being happy or proud when I do or get her something, but she’s been giving for 48 years and counting, and never pointed it out. I hope I have the courage and love to take care of her when she is no longer able to. Yet that idea hurts to even think about. It’s what make this post so hard to write. To acknowledge a future  I don’t want or wish to think about. Easier to just see her as she is now and has always been. Available, loving, comforting, giving, and teaching. And you know, that’s always how I will remember her.

Happy belated Mothers Day mom (well not really, but the post is) I love you.

Happy Monday!