Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Alone and Ornery

The past few weeks have not been easy, but worst of all, they have made me feel the most alone in a long time. It’s hard to explain how much fortitude it takes not to snap or be judgemental, yet I still manage to do it. Each morning, it feels pointless to do the things that I am doing to get a grip on my life and my feelings. Yet I do them on faith alone. It’s been hard to wake up to do my morning routine. Hard to do all the things I do to keep myself grounded and calm as things and people change in my life. It’s been a struggle not to react to ever-changing aspects of my life, but most of all, it’s been hard not to miss my dad and aunt.

I want it to get easier. I almost wish time would heal, but there are days the wound is as raw as the first day, and I break down at strange times.  Heading to the gym while listening to Rocky 4, or heading to do errands and suddenly choking up. It still surprises me how deeply it hurts. And then there are interactions with others where I vehemently disagree with their reasoning yet I still do as I am requested. And it takes me down a deeper rabbit hole of pain.

And finally, it’s just dealing with people because you love others and want to make them happy, but being around their friends or significant others just makes me feel alone and ornery. I do it reluctantly, but I also wonder at what cost to my heart and soul. So I withdraw, get quieter, lose myself in my routines. but it just hurts.

It hurts deep, and it hurts hard, and makes me feel alone and ornery.

I

Family, Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

Negativity Bubble

The past few days have been  struggle. I see something in myself that I don’t like: negativity and self-doubt. Lately, it is never easy to tell when I am being cautious, prudent or just being an asshole. I feel as if I am fighting unstoppable forces and it’s made me incredibly sad. I look for relief in my morning routine, meditation, writing and talking to others just so I can be sure what I am saying or fighting isn’t me being just scared. But I still cannot tell. And it hurts, and makes me doubt if I am just being a roadblock, and then I just want to give in and not be this negative force. There is a part of me that is sure that I am right, but another part that says what if I am not?

So I take moments to shift, to see the other side, and take a breath. To remain calm, and not just react. And then I surrender because, at worst, it may just be a wrong decision, but I won’t die, nothing will get broken, and all that will be wasted is my energy and time. Sometimes resisting is not the best way to cope with strategy or new directions.

So I begin with this week with acceptance, being calm and present, and allow life to take me on this journey. I look forward to finding ways to be in contribution.

Happy Monday!

family law, Legal

Divorce and Property: Legal Reasons #59

There is a strong presumption under California law that assets and debts a couple accumulates during marriage are community property. California law also provides that property spouses acquire before divorce but after the date of separation is separate property. The date of separation is not necessarily the date one spouse moves out of the marital home. Instead, it is the date that one spouse decides to end the marriage, and it requires some act of physical separation combined with other actions clearly demonstrating that the spouse has decided to end the marriage.

Whether you handle your own property division or a court handles it for you, there are three crucial steps to the process:

  • determine whether the property (or debt) is marital or separate
  • agree on a value for marital property, and
  • decide how to divide the property.

The spouses—or the court if they can’t agree – generally assign a monetary value to each item of property. Appraisals can help a couple determine the value of real property as well as items like antiques or artwork. Retirement assets can be very difficult to evaluate and may require the assistance of an actuary, C.P.A., or other financial professional.

Spouses can divide assets by assigning certain items to each spouse, by allowing one spouse to “buy out” the other’s share of an asset, or by selling assets and dividing the proceeds. They can also agree to hold property together even after the divorce. Although continuing to hold property together isn’t a very attractive option for most people, since it requires a continued financial relationship, some couples agree to keep a family home until children are out of school. Others may keep investment property, hoping that it will increase in value.

The couple must also assign all debts accrued during the marriage, including mortgages, car loans, and credit card debts, to one of the spouses. Couples dividing debts should be aware that their separation agreement or divorce order is not binding on creditors, who may continue trying to collect a community debt from either spouse. If a debt is assigned to one spouse, the other can ask the court to put a lien on that spouse’s separate property as security for payment of the debt. However, it’s a better practice to try to pay off all the marital debts when the divorce is finalized—if you are selling the family home or one spouse is buying the other out, there’s often a refinancing of the house loan that provides an opportunity to do this.

Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal

The End is Near

So strange to think it is October 30th, 2017. Just two months left in this year, and I cannot help but look at my resolutions. I managed to do something in each of the categories I set for myself. There were some that I didn’t even come close to, but I made progress.  The great thing about shooting for the stars is that I still managed to go further than at the beginning of the year.

From losing 35 pounds to speaking at a high school, there were things I was just uncomfortable doing but I got comfortable doing them. If I am not growing, I am shrinking. Yet there is a part of me still fearful of some things on my list. There are some aching reminders of the ones gone who meant so much, and I just hope they know what a big part they played in my life.

Daily, I wonder if I spent quality time doing the times that I care about the most which is intimate time with my wife and loved ones. Did I do something about my personal vision for myself? Did I use my day as I would if it was the last day of my life. Those are my motivations. I progress as if the end is near. Living any other way means complacency and an uninspired life, and I will be damned if I live that way.

Happy Monday!

Brownness

Pregnancy Disability Leave Overview: Legal Reasons #58

​​Employers with five or more employees are covered by California’s pregnancy disability leave law.

Covered employers

PDL is state law. Employers with five or more employees are covered.

Maximum amount of leave

The actual time designated as disability related to pregnancy is determined by the employee’s health care provider. The maximum amount of time available is four months, or 17 1/3 weeks per pregnancy. Note that if an employee is disabled longer than four months, she may be entitled to a leave as a reasonable accommodation for her pregnancy-related or other disability.

Employee eligibility

Employees who work for covered employers are eligible for PDL upon hire.

Reasons for leave

PDL can be used for any time the eligible employee is disabled by pregnancy, childbirth or a related medical condition.

Employer responsibilities

Post required posters, include a PDL policy in your employee handbook and send a notice to any employee who needs PDL.

Interaction with other leaves

Can run concurrently with federal Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) absences but not with California Family Rights Act (CFRA) absences.

Ending the employment relationship before the leave expires

The employee cannot be subject to adverse employment action because she used PDL. Seek legal counsel before terminating anyone on PDL.

Return to work

The employee is entitled to reinstatement to the job she held before PDL began.​

Food For Thought, Inpsiration, Journal, MITT

A Weepy Weekend

Last night, I had the privilege of seeing some great friends from leadership program (MITT, LP 122), and I got a chance to reconnect with something else I’d been missing but didn’t realize it until I got to their photo exhibit; inspiration. I got there early and nearly an hour I got to experience their amazing talent, eyes, and work in the photos displayed of their to visit to the Congo.

It takes a special kind of bravery and soul to go to a war-torn country, and show others that love can flourish even the most of desolate of places. That with education, love, and dedication, kids can know that they matter, that they have a future, and others do care.

I got weepy as I realized that I resisted quite a bit coming to the event. In fact, the entire weekend prior to the event was about how life wasn’t fair, and I felt helpless in supporting anyone. And then it hit me last night. That I won’t be able to solve all the problem of the world, but I can still try. That I can take a bite out of the problem rather than drown in complacency and self-pity.

I am blessed to know so know so many talents in my life, but more than anything else to have so many loving souls who make me believe that life matters no matter how hard.