Month: November 2023

On Saturday, I was asked what my favorite moment has been with Zyan, and I realized I lied or more accurately I have a woefully inadequate answer. I should have simply said “All of it.” Each and every second with Zyan has been an opportunity to grow, to learn, to feel my heart expand, to exchange smiles with my wife when we both catch each other admiring him, to changing his diapers to his whining when he doesn’t want to be put down.

All of it. From the smiles to the tears, to the bumps, to the walks to the park, or up the hills. I am more and more determined to be the fittest version of myself for him. Not ego. Not for me. For him. I get to be around for as long as possible and in a meaningful way so he can continue to teach me. From sports to chess to a million other things I never thought to try because I was afraid or ignorant. No not for him. All of it. We get to do all of it.

Being there for his first minutes to the 1st birthday. All of it. Continuing onwards, I want to be present for it all. Each day he manages to teach me something new. I also learn now how to be a husband AND a father. Mother and son (and dog) makes us a family of 4. So my favorite moment is Zyan. All of him. I can’t wait to see what destination we reach on this journey of life.

Some more firsts, and it helps that its so close to Zyan’s birthday as he has lit up our lives in so many ways that it becomes hard to remember life without him. A busy weekend where it seemed all we did was marvel the time we have with him as he was surrounded by friends and family. Where ever he went, a light followed up, and the eyes and hearts of so many, blessing him for his very first Diwali. I shared this video with so many because its ideas resonated with my deeply. I am constantly in battle with my ego versus others, and I know it does not serve me well. When I allow that demon to possess me, I cannot think beyond myself.

Zyan coming into my life has made me realize that his Diya makes me heart brighter, lighter and full of love for others. And now we have his birthday to look forward to, and now the year end will mean even more to us. We are so blessed for the family and friends we get to spend the holidays with, but now are just brimming with gratitude that we have added to that circle with our Zyan, our little king of our hearts.

This past week has been a mishmash of good and bad reminders. A dear friend is yet again in the hospital, and another experienced some scary symptoms which enforced for me the need for balance in one’s life. I tend to over reward myself when I do something good like eating till my stomach feels like an additional appendage, or justifying not making alternative choices when I cannot attend the gym. With the added stress of being a solo practitioner, it has become crystal clear to me that I can only ignore or deny only so many missteps with my health. With age and parenthood come constant instances for chances of being mindful, of recognizing whats truly going inside me, of not giving myself (and those dear to me) a pass simply because it feels easier. I want all my loves to be around for as long as possible.

And then I had a great reminder in celebrating the birthday of a truly kind soul. Megha is the type of person who randomly will text me to ask me how I am doing. I admit, at first, I was taken aback as I assumed she was just my wife’s friends, but over the years, it’s become clear that she is a staunch supporter of those she cares for. In her own unassuming way, she’s managed to not just become a friend, but someone Zyan will call and see as family. Quite a feat considering the size of both of our families, but then again, not a surprise when one considers how thoughtful her words, actions and gifts are. She makes you feel heard and seen. Those in her life are also fiercely guarded of her heart and genuine nature because it’s not often someone so true to you comes along. Happy 40th Megha!

And then of course, today is our first child Bella’s 15th birthday. She was my gift to my wife when I proposed to her, and 15 years later, she has borne witness to all the milestones in our lives. It’s surreal and touching to see her interact so calmly with Zyan. As much as I bitch and moan about taking her for walks, or picking up her treats, I truly cannot imagine a life without her in it. Happy Birthday Bella!