Food For Thought, Inpsiration

Alone

I did a ton of walking and thinking this weekend. It hit me that while on Social Media it looks like I am having the time of my life, many do not see the struggle it is to get to those moments. The mini pep talks, the telling myself to get out of bed to get some sunshine, the engagement with others, the expression of daily gratitude for what I have. But none of it comes close to filling in the gaping hole of missing someone who is no longer here. A foundation that I counted on so thoroughly that it never occurred to me that one day it would be gone.

So daily, I get up, do what I need to keep my sanity, keep my thoughts and feelings about my loss to myself because it just seems easier that way. Yet, there is a growing pressure inside me as well that this cannot continue this way. Being alone this way for so long is a recipe for disaster yet my distaste of pity and being vulnerable so great that I’d rather say I am fine.

But there is light here. I am reaching goals that I didn’t think possible, and there is so much I want to get done. I honor him but getting to places he couldn’t and that is enough. I also know that seeking support needs to become a habit because it sucks to go at this alone, yet it is not easy. I hesitated posting this because it will sound whiny or a grab for attention, but really it’s for the ones who look like they live the ideal life, yet feel truly, utterly alone. This will pass. I know it will. I am a loving, giving and worthy leader!

Happy Monday!

#30trust

One Strong Belief: A Blog Post

Have I Offended Someone?
Image via Wikipedia

Wow, ended up almost missing the deadline for posting today and the minutes wind down,  I can only pat myself that for once I am through.  The one strong belief that I have that is not shared by my friends or my family is my willingness to write out my thoughts, desires, and commentary about how things affect me.  It has always been easiest for me to express how I truly feel about things, and it has gotten me the most amount of criticism and fascination for those who are offended or moral voyeurs.  I have struggled all my life on how to balance what I need to get out versus on revealing too much about others or worse conflicting with some who have no idea how I feel until they read my words.  The one thing I have actively pursued is my desire to write, and while it sometimes it is far from honest, my recent flirtation with The Artists Way has shown that my belief in my writing is a reflection of my life and even if it offends others, it is my belief that for me to deal with things is to write about them.  No matter the consequences.