I spent 20 minutes trying to copy an image that perfectly captures my feelings and in my quest to get that picture right, I lost sight that I needed to write. There was a reason I am at an unholy hour on a Sunday night. A need to get it out all out. But the truth is, I am avoiding writing because this year will perhaps be the culmination of something I hadn’t dared to think about in years: Marriage.
In a way, I am already married, and the vision of being with the one I love for the rest of my life not at all daunting, in fact even exciting. Yet I do not want to cross this path alone, and I do not want to do it in darkness. No more hiding. No more lying. The truth will set us free, but more importantly allow us to live.
Lately, I have become superstitious that what my beautiful love is going through can be cleansed by the truth. I no longer want to lie to anyone about anything. Yes, to answer the ones wronged, I am trying to be AN ANGEL because I am willing to do whatever it takes to start a life partnership on a path of clarity, reality but best of all honesty.
It’s not easy as it looks. Recently, I told a dear friend about her fiancée (who also happens to be a good friend of mine) who I felt cheated on her (a mere two weeks after he proposed to her) based on what he told me. Yes, I broke the man rules because the truth is that I am not one of the boys, and I can no longer keep quiet on what is wrong. As someone pointed out, as long as your know you will lose one friend, then go for it. And I did, and the only thing I really have to show for it is that my conscience is clear, I am less one friend and discovering that the person I thought to be “saved” has decided to go back to the friend. So now I am less two friend, full of the feeling that determined people will hurt themselves no matter what anyone does, and perhaps nothing will change in life except me.
And then there is Preeti’s cousin who lives 15 miles away but has not bothered to call, or even stop by even though she’s fighting for her life and future. Sure, he can go see his girlfriend but heaven forbid he actually check on a supposed close family member. And then I caught myself. I could do this all day long. I could begin to stop talking to everyone that I think has done me or Preeti wrong but then there wouldn’t be many friends left. The reality is, people are selfish, dishonest, indifferent but they also happen to be dearest to someone in our lives. What do you do then? Quit friends? Quit life? Quit the truth? No, I realize. You move on. You forget. The ones that mean something stick around, and the ones that do not, vanish. The truth makes certain of that.
- What Is Truth? (smoodock45.wordpress.com)