Ambition (Wale album)
Ambition (Wale album) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


Why is ambition in some and not in others?  I hate my ambition sometimes. There are days I wonder why I push myself so hard, and am so anxious that I just want to chuck it all way and go in the safety of just working a 9 to 5 shift. I want to be an employee who just puts the hours, gets the paycheck, and then veg out on the weekends spent in the safety of TV. I envy those who tune out everything, and just sleep the weekends away.  I sometimes hate that I wake up thinking of writing, reading, of promoting events, of new revenue streams, of the 100s of HR and legal tasks at Ziba.  Each day nowadays is spent on a looming TO DO list that I sometimes dread to look at because I am never satisfied with how much I have accomplished. More! More! More!  I constantly feel undereducated, feel like I am missing out new things, falling behind in the world. This nagging feeling of not getting enough done follows me incessantly, and I just to BE sometimes.




I look others around, and I am amazed at the lack of ambition and structure in their lives. Each day just being lived, with no look at the future, no desire to be better, nothing to accomplish except just passing the time. Yes, I do sometimes envy that but I also know that it’s not a life I could really live. I want to more from myself. The standards I have set for myself can only be reached if I work each and every day towards.  If I am not improving myself then I am declining. If I am not reading or writing, I am less educated. If I am not working out. I am less healthy and ultimately less happy.

Everything I desire can only be accomplished if I use each day to cross off things off my to do list. It’s relentless, and quite frankly its exhausting, but I also know I wouldn’t have it any other way. Ambition, you’ve got me by the balls!



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Food For Thought, Random


THINK (Photo credit: Erik Eckel)

I will be honest. I only know that 3 have been killed, and 147 injured. I have heard that from NPR, and have actively avoided watching TV.  I have briefly glanced at Facebook statuses which either express horror, or underscore people’s own insecurity. Muslim?  Then you go on a rant for people to be open-minded and wait for the person to be caught before blaming.  White? Silence. Because the reality is if it’s a minority, we will put you in a box. We will launch missiles, but if you are white, we will just call you mental and ask for gun control.  These types of events are so loaded that many of us struggle not to say anything that compartmentalized or sounds vaguely racist or xenophobic.And others feel free to spew their vision of the world. But as humans, that’s what we do to survive. It does not make it right, it just is.

So before we go balls to the walls on our social media networks announcing what we think, perhaps just for a moment take some time and think about those lost, and perhaps forever maimed mentally. Give a breath and a prayer to the ones who will never get to see another day.  These type of tragedies make me realize how truly alone we have become.  We only listen to like minds, and have no interest in knowing the Truth.  Whatever fits into our narrow scope of thoughts has to be the truth.  I realize that past experience forms our present prejudices, but it also allows us not to think anymore. We, as humans, can do better than that.  We owe it to ourselves to not let emotion run us all the time.  Yes, the person(s) intended to create terror, but their real win will happen when we become less tolerant, and more willing to let others do the thinking and actions for us.  We can do better than that.

We have to.

Myself, Preeti


I spent 20  minutes trying to copy an image that perfectly captures my feelings and in my quest to get that picture right, I lost sight that I needed to write.  There was a reason I am at an unholy hour on a Sunday night.  A need to get it out all out.  But the truth is, I am avoiding writing because this year will perhaps be the culmination of something I hadn’t dared to think about in years: Marriage.

In a way, I am already married, and the vision of being with the one I love for the rest of my life not at all daunting, in fact even exciting.  Yet I do not want to cross this path alone, and I do not want to do it in darkness.  No more hiding.  No more lying.  The truth will set us free, but more importantly allow us to live.

Lately, I have become superstitious that what my beautiful love is going through can be cleansed by the truth.  I no longer want to lie to anyone about anything.  Yes, to answer the ones wronged, I am trying to be AN ANGEL because I am willing to do whatever it takes to start a life partnership on a path of clarity, reality but best of all honesty.

It’s not easy as it looks.  Recently, I told a dear friend about her fiancée (who also happens to be a good friend of mine) who I felt cheated on her (a mere two weeks after he proposed to her) based on what he told me.  Yes, I broke the man rules because the truth is that I am not one of the boys, and I can no longer keep quiet on what is wrong.  As someone pointed out, as long as your know you will lose one friend, then go for it.  And I did, and the only thing I really have to show for it is that my conscience is clear, I am less one friend and discovering that the person I thought to be “saved” has decided to go back to the friend. So now I am less two friend, full of the feeling that determined people will hurt themselves no matter what anyone does, and perhaps nothing will change in life except me.

And then there is Preeti’s cousin who lives 15 miles away but has not bothered to call, or even stop by even though she’s fighting for her life and future.  Sure, he can go see his girlfriend but heaven forbid he actually check on a supposed close family member.  And then I caught myself.  I could do this all day long.  I could begin to stop talking to everyone that I think has done me or Preeti wrong but then there wouldn’t be many friends left.  The reality is, people are selfish, dishonest, indifferent but they also happen to be dearest to someone in our lives.  What do you do then?  Quit friends?  Quit life?  Quit the truth?  No, I realize.  You move on.  You forget.  The ones that mean something stick around, and the ones that do not, vanish.  The truth makes certain of that.