Brownness

Stepping Forward

Another beautiful Sunday morning. Approximately 820am. I quickly walked the dog, wiling it to take a take a crap immediately so I could rush back home, shower and then head out. I had the chance, no wait. I MADE the chance to go finally check out the Culver City Steps yesterday (called the Baldwin Hills Scenic Outlook on Yelp). I had texted several people and even tried to guilt-force Preeti into going, but there were no takers.  So I stepped forward alone. It was exhilarating! I found out about the steps at a friend’s gathering where a college football player casually mentioned that he has been using the steps to work out his quads. Steps?  Huh?  I asked what he meant, and he explained that these steps were in Culver City, and were a great workout option and a great way to see the whole city in one shot. I was immediately intrigued. I love finding out about new things to do in Los Angeles. I have been stuck in a run lately with just running around laps in my neighborhood, and I know the key to killing boredom when exercising is to switch it up. Yet it was more than that. I am intrigued at finding hidden things to do in the city I call home.

There is so much to do in Los Angeles, but I have been mainly focused on finding places to eat. I think part of the problem with a vast area such as Southern California is that you have to make choices on what you want to focus on (similar to life), but as someone who gets antsy after a few months. I want to break these artificial boundaries of land that I have set for myself. For the first time, this summer I actually made it to the beach more than once. I live in a beautiful area, yet I still have not tried all the things that it has to offer. One day. I want to hit up every restaurant and hiking trail in Cerritos, and Artesia. I see in me a need to connect with the larger picture not just the one I have painted for myself.

I managed to do the steps twice and although my sore calves are still not talking to me. I know that I made a step forward, and at the end that’s all that matters.

 

Myself

Legendary Acting

John Cena and Mark Henry in an arm wrestling m...
Image via Wikipedia

I don’t know what keeps me in bed nowadays. Today, I woke up at 7am and instinctively I was like oh hell no, and tried to get back on the dream train, but I had missed the stop. Instead, last nights movie (legendary starring John Cena, yes the wrestling star) played a trailer in my head, and I realized that not many people knew I wrestled in high school. Only for 1 year and I lost every single match, which led me down the path that I also played junior high volleyball but I was on the Junior Varsity team. I had the urge to be part of team sports and had dredged up enough athletic ability to actually make the team but not enough talent to be any sort of meaningful contributor.

There was a particular wrestling match, I remember. I had lost 7 matches, and I was pitted against someone who had 8, had in fact not won any in 2 years (found this out later), and we went the full time and I lost by a decision by 2 points. My closest defeat was to someone who had never won. Telling in some ways of my life for the things I want.

I woke up today and I realized that I want to be married and have kids already. I am 38 years old and divorced, a broken engagement and currently in a 3 plus year relationship to a truly beautiful girl, and I am starting to feel like the old wrestling me. Yet, there was a moment in the movie where at the end, the main character goes against someone 26-0 and manages to lose by 1 point in a decision. Yet the defeat was met with cheers and hugs from the audience because the long-lost brother was the coach who happened to be a wrestling superstar.

Right now, I feel like the lil brother, and my family as the superstar, and preeti my match to lose yet still win in life. A fact that has become more important every day after my recent stroke which made me realize, I don’t want my current life anytime, I want the one I have been dreaming about. Perhaps that’s why my body wont let me sleep anymore. Its’s time to stop dreaming and start acting.