Brownness

Day By Day: A Blog Post

Everyday Life 87.jpg

What is it about ourselves that can allow us to focus so intently on our goals that we manage them while the rest of the time, we bemoan the lost times?  Lately, I have been reading, writing, doing classes, working out, working while catching up with old friends, and I feel so content and fulfilled.  I wonder why I don’t do this more often.  I want to show this Sanjay to the world especially Preeti and family that I am more than capable to handle all that world has to throw at me, yet something warns in my soul that this period is temporary, that I should hold off a bit longer before I make promises I cannot keep. It has been far too long where I have felt content and just feel myself in my skin.  I realize that I have let too many people in and crowd up my mind and soul.  I know that it will take some getting used to as I learn how to communicate and live better with change.

I realize now that not much has changed except I choose to perceive differently.  A few weeks ago what I felt was non stop irritation at my failure to get things done or get to a point where I was happy.  I slowed down, assessed the situation and saw that I am getting there, it’s just slower than I wanted it to be.  Also, I was allowing others to dictate what effected my life when really that’s my decision and no one else’s.  Sure, others can suggest, cajole, even demand but unless I say yes to it, it will not matter.  So back to the mindfulness, the deep breath, being present, and seeing that what’s happening isn’t that big of a deal in the longer term of things and suddenly life starts moving.  Dinners with old friends, connecting with one of my law school friends, working out and spending time with my parents suddenly appeared out of the blue because I allowed myself to say yes to those things rather than the whims and demands of others.

It’s definitely a work in progress and I see that my future depends on how I choose to let it treat me.  So day by day I keep focusing on the things that matter while putting aside the things that should never have in the first place.

Journal, Myself

Perhaps

Jemal Y

Perhaps the window to my soul closed a long time ago.  perhaps, I have been dreaming a long time, and now I am awake.  Perhaps what I thought to be my world, my life was nothing more than a string of moments and memories put together so I can say I lived.  Perhaps I am the homeless man on the right, fantasizing I am the writer on this post.  Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

 
Those 7 letters have become ingrained in me, telling me nothing, give me no direction just a vague vision of what is to come, but perhaps that’s all an illusion.
 
I sit like that man, looking down half asleep, hoping, wishing, prayer for perhaps a better day, life or illusion  or perhaps not.
 
I do not know where I want to be.  I do know where I shall be.  I just know that perhaps it will all work out
 
Perhaps