Words escape me. I am like the prison where I can’t hold them captive. Instead, I am constantly on a state-wide hunt to be able to say something. Yet, I know that’s not true exactly either. I hold one big prisoner: Fear. And in the interrogation room, I question FAITH and BELIEF. I don’t know if I have the actual ability to write more than a few pithy blog posts, and maybe by some luck, a short story. So I sit here on this hard chair in my library surrounded by words of others, waiting for inspiration. But if I am being honest, maybe I am just praying for talent, or maybe I am asking someone out there to get me started.
Either way. I sit here yet again posting about not writing, but hey that’s considered writing, right? What is it they say, if you want to write, write! So here I am pushing out words like dry turds, hoping that at some point I can make real shit. OK
, maybe not shit shit, but more like something that is more than just empty words. Yet, I also know that’s not what the real battle is about. Part of writing is being truthful to yourself, and others, but I am not ready to share what is inside me. I am afraid. I am not ready. So I sit here alone, wondering what is it that I want to do with myself. Now that’s a question, I have struggled with all my life. Even at 41, I still don’t know what to do. I don’t mean to suggest I am unemployed, but more that I am uninspired. A lot of things intrigue me, but nothing has come forth that has taken me prisoner. I am free in the worst way possible. I want to be imprisoned, but nothing is holding me back. Not yet anyway. Here’s to hoping, that someday I will be free…
Sanjay Sabarwal's Blog 