15 Minutes to Live: A Blog Post

Ralph Waldo Emerson
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We are afraid of truth, afraid of fortune, afraid of death, and afraid of each other. Our age yields no great and perfect persons. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

You just discovered you have fifteen minutes to live.

1. Set a timer for fifteen minutes.
2. Write the story that has to be written.

I love you.  Thank you.  Those are the words I am going to repeat again and again to the ones that have always been close to me.  Mom, Dad, there isn’t much you have not done for me, yet I feel like I have always let you down.  I could have done so much more yet you never judged, always accepted who I was, and were there when I needed you.

Suman, my oldest and amazing sister.  As much as I always responded to you with irritation I realize now that everything you said to me always came from the same place of love and worry for your little brother.   For you, it did not matter that I fell repeatedly or made the same mistakes, for you all that mattered was that I was ok, and if I needed any help getting back.

Sumita, you are my second mom and as much as I fought that notion all my life, I now realize that there was a reason I needed two moms. I needed one that loved me unconditionally and another who loved me passionately but would not allow me to be the lower person that I managed to be some days.  You never gave up and your passion and creativity are the reason we are, I mean I am the success I am. I have all the material things I could want thanks to you.  And although we always differed on how to use our wealth, you have taught me that money isn’t just a means to an end, it can used as a sword to cut away a lot of the injustices in the world.

Preeti, to the one I have managed to hurt the most even though I have loved you from the moment I got to know you, I realize now how much you have been part of my life when I needed someone the most.  To you, saying I love you and thank you arent enough without adding I am so, so sorry for all the pain that I have caused you in your life.  I wish I could take all the pain away with me now just so finally you could have peace and the knowledge that no matter, I loved you with my entire soul.

Jemal, Vuong, Nik, Vuong, Raj

We meet at different times in our lives, and yet you all have been unwavering in your love and support for me even though I never managed to return the favor at times.  All I can say now is that you were always present in my thoughts even if by my action its appeared I did not.  Time is so short to explain how much I love you guys for making me a better human than I am.


There are so many of you that have been there without complaint and comment in my life and have done so many things that if I had 15,000 minutes, I wouldn’t be able to describe all that you have added to my life.  I only pray I can come back in some form to repay you for all the love you gave me.  I truly am unworthy of such great family.

Rockwell, Noel, Vishal, Mike Fitz

To you, I owe a great thank you for always being around when I needed you even though the time gaps were large, nothing every changed between us except the deepening of our love for each other’s friendships.

The time draws close now, and I know there are dozens I have left out and will never get to them in time because all my life, I have received so much generosity and gifts that I could never pay back.  In these waning moments, I leave you this small words of thanks and love and hope that you can forgive me for my sins and remember that I meant no ill will.  I am who I was.  The rest, as they say is history.  Perhaps I made a mark in your life, but know one thing you definitely made one on me.  Thank you.


8:04 am

From http://hypernews.ngdc.noaa.gov
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woke up abruptly with the assignment on my mind, but had the nagging feeling I was dreaming so tried to reconstruct that movie but mind was a blank. Coyldnt remember if I am supposed to write for 30 minutes or just a full page, but for now ignoring that nagging feeling that I am doing all this wrong and for once just letting the fingers do the talking.

Today was an experiment. Had accidently set the alarm for 8am, and everyday its interruoted me. The old me, would have shut it off and just gone back into the murky darkeness but lately I just stay awake and get up and begin my day. Its been tempting to treat this as a holiday but the fat is, I am itching to begin my new role as a writer, for once I am thrilled to actually so something that I want. oh yea, the experiment, turned off the alamr and went to bed around 2. Eyes opening with the mind anticipating being around 11. Nope, 8:04am blinked back at me. Thoughts tried to convince to lie in bed, that I would be too tired to put down any thoughts. That I needed to put my contacts, that I couldn’t handwrite, and I have never really wrote at this time, so I stayed in bed an additional 10 minutes but sleep was gone only the assignment was on my mind, and a guilt that if I didn’t get up today, I would never get up.

Have decided that I will write the first thing in the morning, I have the luxury of setting my own work schedule and if I can maintain this time and pace in the morning, I will do it. I actually feel quite accomplished when I put in the time, and I want that feeling to continue. It confirms for me that I really am ready to make the transition from my daily life to being a writer, yet I am hesitant to share it with my girlfriend or others, because I want to actually have some meat to share with them. Thats a lie actualy, I still don’t feel like a writer like I used to high school. The fact is, in the 4 years that I hae been with my girlfriend, she has a send a handful of pages of my work, and experience some cutsie poetry that I created for her in a rush in order to be super-romantic. She’s heard I am a good writer, and therein lies the problem. Everyone’s heard but no one’s really seen anything,

Pace is slow definitely slower today, but am also glancing at the clock less. A voice is trying to convince me that its already been 30 minutes but just like before I don’t believe her. I have a feeling I will know for sure when the time elapses. Just to comfort that paranoia, I glance up, and I have 5 minutes left but then I begin to wonder why did I think it 30 minutes and so I try to time travel to when I was doing the reading, but I don’t remember any numbers just the admonition to write in the twilight. Perhaps, the 30 minutes came from me, perhaps I don’t trust myself longer than that. Perhaps, I have compromised with my consciousness to only allow 30 minutes to be devoted to my old love, Perhaps, Time….