You lied to me” she accused me groggily, her eyes still heavy with the general anesthesia, dangerously pulling me to the brink of breaking down. But the tears never made it to my eyes, I would not, could not let them. All she saw was my smile, and the assurance that this phase was over. What did the doctor say, she asked? Babu, just rest and we can talk about it later. Was not telling her a lie? Yes it was, but it is a lie I will tell her over and over. In this case, the truth would not set us free, the irony hitting me when I think about the friend I betrayed recently. When is a lie ok, the right thing to do? Now. Always. When it involves her current fight with cancer.
The actions and emotion sof this week flutter around in my mind. Words said, regrets swallowed, anger yelled, the many emotions of the body come up and I realize that we are just at the beginning of this very long road. From a procedure that yielded one great hope, to getting hit by a guy running a red light, I realize life continues. I cannot lie, I am scared yet in there is a voice growing stronger, saying we will get through this. I know we can and we will. I can keep looking at the past, let the regrets pile up, the fear dominate my days, while watching her in pain and nausea or I can hold her, give her my strength, let her know, everything will be ok, no more lies, everything will be ok. I will be a liar when needed but the there is only one truth: She will be fine.
- General anesthesia – All Information (umm.edu)