Lineages – Sanjay Sabarwal's Blog

Recently, I have changed my schedule to include 30 minutes of a show called “The Healer Within” by BK Shivani and Suresh Oberoi. Each morning, I write for 45 minutes and then watch the show which ends with a mini meditation. I found out that much of what the show says resonates with me. I am the creator of all my thoughts, feelings and actions. With each thought and feeling, I have a decision to make which creates my action. Too often, I let anger and irritation override my natural inclination to be thoughtful, loving and caring. It wasn’t always this way, but I have allowed anger to change who I used to be.

Yesterday, I saw two very different sides of myself. My religious cousin who I mercilessly tease told me that I am one of the few people he sees as someone who can merge with God which is what all souls desire yet entry only comes with the right ticket. I had the makings but not the right markings. That idea stuck with me the rest of the day. Later on, my wife sweetly asked if I minded going to see Man of Steel with someone else. I had a choice not to react, but I did. I even felt it. I heard her say it to me gently, yet I reacted badly. I apologized yet the damage of hurting her over something silly had been done. I now see that I will have many more moments like this but what is different is that I see myself as the creator of those thoughts. I see now that Anger is just an emotion, that I don’t need to give into it. I also see and know that I will fail but healer within teaches me that I have a chance at each moment to take a different decision.

I have a long road ahead of me, yet I am excited to know that I no longer feel helpless. I am daunted with how much work I have to do but after a long time I also feel a sense of purpose that had been lacking in my life for a long time.