Brownness

Father Friends

pretty sweet, huh
pretty sweet, huh (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It is already a beautiful morning here.  I sit in the quietness of my library, along my morning coffee, Its steam wafting up into the air. After I had prayed and was in midst of my meditation (who would have thunk?) I began to smile as I drifted to images and conversations of yesterday.  I had texted my friend Raj to keep a date open for Preeti’s birthday (perhaps a Beer tasting tour, perhaps a pub crawl), and I ended up giving him a lecture about taking care of himself. He is one of the best fathers I know. He absolutely without a doubt adores and loves his boys, but it’s the joy he takes out of it that is mesmerizing.  Yet more than that, he is also the most generous with friends and loved ones.  He is one of the few in my life who if more than 6 weeks passes by will make a huge effort so we can hang out. It hit me that friendship isn’t always about just sharing how your feelings, it’s about the little things we are willing to do to be around each other. I am truly lucky to have someone who has 10,000 things on his plate but makes me feel like I am still a priority. It’s a joyous feeling, and I wish him success in all aspects of his life.  I cautioned him not to forget himself while he took care of others.  Yup I have officially turned into my dad, giving advice to anyone I can catch! (love you dad!)

And yesterday got even better as I got to see one of my oldest friends from UCLA:  Rockwell.  Preeti was kind enough to suggest forcefully that I got and spend some quality time with him and his son.  I am so glad I did as I watched Rockwell treat his son like a young adult, and answer and respond to all of his son’s question. This is not new. Whenever I have seen Rockwell interact with his son, it is genuine interest , attention and love. It is this kind of attention that has led his son to know all the interacting friend and familial relationships in his father’s life. And it doesn’t stop there. When I watch Noel, Michael and their parents interact with their nephew and grandson, it is with such deep love that I am hypnotized. I don’t think I have met a more loving family than Rockwell’s. Each time I go there (and it’s not really ever enough) the parents greet me with such enthusiasm and love that I could spend hours just talking to them.  There is such a closeness that I feel like I am with family. And then there are Rockwell’s brothers.  Noel the oldest has always shown a warm heart and loving hugs that make me feel as I was a long-lost brother and the little one Michael has always made my feel like a loved old brother.

I guess what I am trying to say in my long-winded way that if I am ever lucky enough to be a father, I had already have 2 mentors in Raj and Rockwell. And I also have a family that I know I will be lucky to have for many decades to come. Lastly, the image I ended with was of Preeti as she spend the time to talk to me about the things we wish in our lives. I truly felt I have a partner who I can share anything with. So I’d like to say THANK YOU to the one ABOVE who made this all possible. I truly am grateful.

Brownness

Half Way: A Blog Post

New Year Sunrise
Image by joka2000 via Flickr

Yesterday, marked the halfway point for 2011.  I was surprised to see that reminder from the Change Anything blog (changeanything.com) a book that I am currently reading, not because I had not followed through on my New Years resolution.com but mainly because I had stayed the course.  I lost weight, I started reading again, planned and took a few trips and wrote some.  I did not just have one resolution but many and I am sticking to them not because I wanted to because I needed to.  In the past few years, I have begun to feel less like myself and more a social being trying to please others and you know what, it fucking sucks!  I much rather be in the days when I was true to my vision and focus and did what I pleased but then I realized that was not ideal either as I often did events that made much less money than I expected.  I never did find the balance of running a successful promotion company and label, and a personal life.  But few years back, I felt like I had sold myself out just to be successful but even writing that does not feel true.  The reality is that I always managed to get to the halfway but somewhere, somehow, I get derailed before getting to the end, and that is what worries me.  Losing focus.  My dream is to be the person I have always imagined myself to be, and at 39, I don’t have much time before I am defined by the years behind me.

So here’s to being halfway there, sticking to my guns and being the person I have always imagined myself to be.  Wish me luck.

Myself

A New Mission: A Blog Post

photo
 You ever feel like this priest, braving the world whipping around and the only thing holding you steady is your vision?  Or perhaps to you he seems like he has already given up, to others lost and perhaps to some, indifferent.  My point is simple, we are who we perceive ourselves to be.  Lately, I have had to made adjustments or (perhaps some would say corrections) to the things that I have allowed myself to be overwhelmed with.  Too often, I have gotten involved in other’s lives, whether they asked to or not and realized that I am unwanted.  In my quest to be all holy, I forgot one key things: let others live.
I have allowed too many small things to crowd my heart and soul when I already know what makes me happy (family, Preeti, working out, working, reading and friends).  If I just concentrate on just that, I have a plate full of memories and loving people.  If I constantly bitch and whine about others not responding, it is perhaps that I have created a barrier that will only heal with time.  I have to let things be and focus on who I want to be.  Realizing just that has eased so much of my tension that I now really wish to just focus on the ones close to me.  Of course, I define who those are, and while some relationships and friendships are natural, there are others created due to obligation and some because of distance.  Each deserves attention but mostly each needs its own space.  Not all friendships are meant to be combined, especially when their from key periods in your life that only you have experienced.
So now that I have allowed myself that space, I can truly enjoy the people in my life, albeit some from afar (as it should be) and some ignored (to save my sanity) while the rest growing into (hopefully) life long relationships.