Emotional intelligence – Sanjay Sabarwal's Blog

The past few days have been a whirl. I came back from MITT, (Miitraining.com) with swirling thoughts and desires, and the realization that I have lots of work to do emotionally. I went in expecting not much, and came back with a desire to love the world. It’s a feeling I had before in High School and College, and to some extent in law school, but now its come back renewed. I believe that if I am not improving myself, I am stagnating. If I am not moving, I am drowning. Too often, I made excuses NOT to do something when instead when I was younger, my response was always yes. I don’t know when I changed. I don’t know when I left the old me behind. I miss him. The one who dove in. The one who took on challenges. The one who loved unconditionally. The one who knew what other needed or desired and worked on getting it for them. Do I miss all of me? No. There is a lot of me I am glad is no longer there, but in the process I also lost some precious things so I commit to working on those. I need me. To those this all sounds like some mushy gooey “we are the world” type shit, I say so what? What does it matter as I long as I believe in it.

This past week. I watched others with new lenses, and in some, I saw how much pain I had caused them or was causing. It’s a wake up call. I can no longer afford to just complain or whine about how life is. It is my creation, and today I choose to create a better me. I am scared shitless, but I also know if I don’t dive in, the old me will be lost forever, and that is not something I am willing to accept. I am a writer. I am a family man. I am in shape. I have great relationships with loved ones. That is my vision, and the old me could handle all that, so back to it I go.

Wish me progress, no wish me to be the way I used to be.

Cover of "Emotional Intelligence 2.0" — Cover of Emotional Intelligence 2.0

As someone who is trying to change so much in myself, there are times I do feel overwhelmed. I wake up almost every morning now to do the following: journal, work on original writing, sometimes blog, watch BK Shivani and mini meditation about soul consciousness raising, do Lumosity.com, walk the dog who has been patiently waiting and then right after that work out for precisely 15 minutes, 11-13 minutes running off and on the treadmill and 3-10 minutes using a punching bag. Finally, shower, Grab a banana or cereal and off I go!. All this before even starting my day at work. Initially, I was exhausted by 9:30am when I arrived at the office, yet now I feel it normal, full in a way that I have not felt in ages.

I try to use BK Shivani’s message that I am the creator of my thoughts, feelings and actions. I am in charge of my emotions, and I create almost 50-60,000 thoughts in my head in a single day. The question is not about quantity but quality. Positive and soul consciousness raising thoughts give energy while negative, necessary and idle thoughts deplete you. I’d like to add that negative emotions do the same. At the same time while I listen to “Healer Within” I remember the book Emotional Intelligence 2.0 which tells me to use active listening to hear the other person. I am trying on so many levels to be the person I want to be. I have made it my mission to be a better person because ultimately, I want to enjoy meaningful relationship with others but most importantly with myself.

It’s a hard path because I constantly fail at active listening which involves me really hearing the other person and asking questions. Instead. I get hurt and become self-defensive which in turn creates more hurt and pain which leads to more negative emotions. I am starting to see that I am truly at the beginning of my journey of being in charge of myself. Wish me luck!