Dwight Clark – Sanjay Sabarwal's Blog

This picture perfectly describes my feelings these past few months. I cannot breathe due to the hypocrisy surrounding me nor can I rely on the friends I thought I had. I cannot save people from their mistakes nor can I can trust them when they lie to me about them. I cannot be the perfect boyfriend or always present. I cant, I won’t get it right, I know that but still I keep trying to move forward, to keep moving so I don’t drown in the despair of sorrow and helplessness. Gotta avoid the tears, the realization that our lives are no longer headed on the paths we had planned on, no! counted on.

I wish I knew where to start. Perhaps shake the one that cheated or the one that got cheated on and then lied to me about ending it. Or do I shake the one with a selfish boyfriend who couldn’t even call or text his cousin while she battles the big C but has time to meet his girlfriend or yell at someone’s family because I am overwhelmed and feel utterly alone and helpless? How many people do I stop talking to? I realize that everyone’s an adult and the problem isnt them but me. I am drowning myself.

Because the truth is, I am sick of people, their lies, their insecurities, their willingness to be fake or care when they only really only care about themselves. Sick of being around people who say they are there but in reality are only there because it seems the right thing to say but not do.