Tag: Diwali

Brownness

Holiday Meaning

Sanjay Sabarwal
HDR Guru Gobind Singh procession
HDR Guru Gobind Singh procession (Photo credit: NightFall404)

I am not sure what it is about the Holidays that seems to bring out the best and worst in people. What I really mean is Desis since we actually don’t celebrate Christmas. Oh sure, we can pretend Diwali is a big deal, and we also throw in their Guru Gobind Singh‘s ji celebration, but really I still don’t get what is about the holidays that gets us so emotional.   Or maybe it’s just me. Maybe everyone is going on as they should, and I am the one that is calling out motivations that are there. Confused? Good.  So am I.

I am still on a high about some of my family doing the Thanksgiving Trot with me, and making Tiramisu and cream cheese bites for that gathering.  Yes, it’s these little things that get me excited because, let’s face it, I am not getting any younger. I may still feel like I am 21, but the fact is, I am not up on the music, the culture, or really anything to do with being 21 (well maybe, the drinking) including going out or wearing the right clothes (according to my wife, I dress like a 45-year-old which I take to be a compliment).   Yet each day, I am thankful for the life I have. I am  grateful that I can get out of bed, take my dog for a walk, enjoy the slightly  chilly morning, and then do a few other set things like meditating and praying to get my day going.

I am still struggling though. There isn’t a day that I don’t get a reminder that I am not 100% or the person I used to be prior to my surgery. But you know what, that’s OK. I know I am doing my best, and some days that’s all that matters. So this Holiday has a special meaning for me because there was a chance I couldn’t be here to celebrate them. There are some in my life who I wish had stayed, and there are others that are drifting (and that’s OK).  So I wake up each morning, and take a few minutes just to be thankful for all that I have. And that’s enough for now.

Brownness, Family, Myself

Festival of Silence

Sanjay Sabarwal
The diwali diyas at Diwali Celebrations at Ban...
The diwali diyas at Diwali Celebrations at Bangalore 2010 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Still a bit high off the Kirtan at our house on Last Saturday, I was looking forward to Sunday evening’s Diwali celebration at the Buena Park Gurudwara. I was truly grateful for all that I had in my life, and for the friends and family that came to celebrate with us just because we invited them.  Still, I couldn’t help being disappointed at some who didn’t come, others who didn’t bother to reply, and several others who I counted on being there but were not. And then of course, there were those who I will no longer invite, and it pricked a bit.  It was that feeling I dreaded at the Gurudwara. I didn’t want to face them physically, and be reminded of their continuing betrayal, but most of all I was saddened that in my quest to become a peaceful and mindful being, there are some who will fall by the wayside…

730 am today. I ran 5 miles in 56 minutes, and it hit me that 8 months ago, I was waking up groggy from brain surgery, and I was just utterly grateful for the life I have been blessed with. I smiled as I remember the writers meetup I went to last night where the a person mentioned several times that he was an award-winning author (who does that), but again we are all on our own journeys. We make our own decisions, and what we think about them doesn’t really matter. It is a lesson that I have to remind myself as I am disappointed in others and in myself. I cannot do anything about the people in my life, but I can change how I feel about things. It is the one lesson of BK Shivani that has stuck with me. Ultimately, I am only hurting myself if I continue to focus on the negative rather than look at what the world has to offer. So I celebrate this new festival of silence rather than of mindlessness.