So this week I began the 4 hour body diet. The previous week I did the Culver City Steps and the week before that I signed up for the Turkey trot in which I asked others to join. There weren’t any takers, but as soon I mentioned the 4 hour body diet, I heard a few snarky comments such as “aren’t you doing enough already?” to which my immediate response was no. The last few years, I have been a yo yo between being in the best shape of my life to well…being not so good. I could use my subdural hematoma and brain surgery as an excuse for why I have gained weight, but truth be told, I had completely given up being good at eating and working out. It all seemed so pointless if all I did was get into shape, and then blow back up. I am luckier than most that I do shed pounds fast, yet with each yo-yo, I see that it is getting harder. The things that I could get away with, I no longer can. I either have to stick to a diet and workout regiment or not.
I also know I am my harshest judge, and people who have not seen me in months invariably will comment on weight loss, but I know I was at my dream goal of 190 pounds at the beginning of the year. I am currently 215, and it just weighs me down. I want to just say fuck it and eat to my heart’s content, but it’s really more than just being heavy, I want to be healthy. I want to be the best in-shape 41-year-old around. It really comes down to me and how I see myself. Until the person I see when I close eyes is not in front of the mirror, I am will keep pushing myself even if it makes me a human yo-yo.