Myself, Writing

Energy: A Blog Post

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I remember writing few months back where all my energy, ideas and focus melded into one need to get the story done.  I was smiling and truly enjoying the process, just living the dream of being a writer, knowing that what was being laid down was pretty good and I could do this.  I want that moment back, those blissful hours when it seemed becoming a writer full time was not a fantasy, that I was good enough dammit!  Yet lately, I seem to have found people who either don’t think much of my writing or dismiss it.  Worse, still I have others who manage to always feel bad about blogging or posting on Facebook even when I am supremely careful of not blogging names and keeping my status updates to a minimum.  I feel stifled and trapped into being a certain type of personality on social media as if I have to apologize for being open about my thoughts and feelings.  Sure, I have said too much sometimes and called out others when it was not my business to, and to that I can only apologize and call it a learning process, yet I feel trapped with the label of someone who talks too much.  It’s soul and creativity killing to know that my words are scrutinized to be either dismissed or confirm my status as a big mouth.

I want my words to have the energy they did when I wrote freely and got them out of being in my body, bottled up for so long.  That’s where I want to get to.  Let’s hope that the ones who are judging me know that they are killing me softly.

#30trust

Facing and Fearing: A Blog Post

Lost: Missing Pieces
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1) The cost of inaction is not much truth be told if I accept my life as it is.  I have amazing friends, family, wife and work yet what is missing is my creative soul.  I feel I traded that in somewhere in my first marriage and it has taken me decades to realize how much I miss it.  As materially wealthy as I am, my soul is poor and starved for action and the more I have done this writing exercise, the more I see how it is to get out of inaction.

I have so much more to gain by trying that the only failure that will string is the lost chances to write.  I see myself writing regularly and lately my visions for work and love have gotten clearer as if I was in a fog and until writing cleared away the cobwebs, I was merely content.  Now I am full of energy, working out, writing, loving, planning things, it’s as if I am running out of time, and I want to get it all done and now.

Myself, Random

No Longer Alone: A Blog Post

Love Problems and Advice Illustrated SA
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Sitting in the quietness of the day, I now know that I am not alone anymore.  Prior days, weeks, months that were spent alone are now shared with someone I love deeply.  It’s an intense feeling, shimmering over my thoughts briefly, sprinkling my days with a deep longing for the one gone temporarily. I no longer have an emptiness in my soul or the need to fill myself with temporary distractions just so I feel as if I am alive.  Looking around my friends, I see some who are alone, who are going through the same struggle as I did when no one could fill the void in their soul.  Sure, we all have false starts and even perhaps some slight promise of one or two who may be the one, but deep in our hearts we already know that is not true.  As someone with several failed relationships, I am well aware that more times than not, we breathe life and personalities into people just because on the surface they seem so right with us.  In a way, we try to force upon ourselves and the person, who they SHOULD be rather who they ARE.

Yet, I also know the hard truth that this battle is theirs alone, and the only thing we can do is to love them as our own and be there when they ask for us.  You cannot force yourself upon anyone, no matter how great your intentions.  That’s a hard lesson for me, as my instinct is to always jump in to help.  But just like with success, a friendship or a relationship  can only move forward when we accept who we are and stop trying to change the one we want them to.

Of course, nothing I am saying is new or even perhaps original, just that it’s funny how all of us at one time or another go through the same experience, but really just fail to realize that there is always someone who has gone through exactly the same thing.  My point?  Look around you, and you will always find the support, love and kindness you need.  You just have to believe that you are NOT alone…

Myself, Writing

I am posting Every Day in 2011: sanjaysabarwal.com

 

I’ve decided I want to blog more. Rather than just thinking about doing it, I’m starting now.  I will be posting on this blog once a day / once a week for all of 2011.

I know it won’t be easy, but it might be fun, inspiring, awesome and wonderful. Therefore I’m promising to make use of The DailyPost, and the community of other bloggers with similar goals, to help me along the way, including asking for help when I need it and encouraging others when I can.

If you already read my blog, I hope you’ll encourage me with comments and likes, and good will along the way